I remember there was this good friend of mine told me before: 整理事务就像收拾心情。

this statement always worked for me. Actually, everynow and then when I am cleaning up my messy room I will think of this statement and her. more funny thing was, everytime when I am zipping my Back-Pack, her words also came into my mind. She used to tell me "Haiyo, zip ur bag. & pull the zip puller to the side so that the bag won't open itself later and things drop out." She would always tell me this while zipping up my bag for me.

So this is how other people's words stays in me. to me, Little Actions & Words Counts.

Good or bad, most of the time, it stays. Is this good or bad for me, I also don't know.

Thus' today her words does came to me again when I am cleaning my room. Actually, I hope this statement can have effect on me today. So started to pack N clear. Even come online to clear my email account!! hahaha... OMG, I realised I have so many emails that is so outdated.... club minutes, projects lar, songs, blah blah blah... so much trash.. thus OFF THEY GO!!!!!!!

Time to go off liao.. should sleep early, Hope I can. Coz' for the next 3 days I am involve in the Ad Asia 2005 Exihibition @ Suntec. Don't know what is my job there also.

Nitey all..... *muackz*

my poor bloggy... seems like I only come here when I am not feeling so good.... so sad...

An analogy:

A road paved for you. Transport provided. You board the bus. Coz' you finally feel of where you wish to go. But still not really sure of this destination. This bus will lead you to your destination fast. Though, the road will be rocky, but there are other things that help you to forget about the rocky-way. There are also other passengers to keep you accompany & happy. But at the back of your mind, you had for-gone a task in order to board this bus. And you know that there are other things you have to forgone on this path. Right now, thinking was: Is this the correct bus? Correct choice to give up the task? Too late to make a U-turn? Is this worth while?

In chinese: "gou-bu-liao-zi-ji-zhe-yi-guan"

I just cant convinced myself. =(

I was super happy yesterday, thought that I have finally wake up. And someone notice that. But now realised that I am wrong.

still, Damn confused...............

Today realised someone had utterly disappointed with me. I think this is the very first time I made people completely gave up on me. Though this person never speaks up, I can feel it. I failed to perform to the expected standard. The funny thing was, I only try minimum effort to save the situation.

Don't ask me why. I can't give you any reasons. I just can't even sure myself. Whether is I am tired or I been giving myself too much excuses or I just care too much. I don't have a clear view & mind to think thoroughly of the situation.

Is like: a stack of problems awaiting / lining up for you to solve. I just stand and look at it right in the face. Sometimes I choose not to see it. Yah, I am an Escapist.

Working hard may not get what you wanted; even you have achieved your goal, look back and see what you have lose along the way. If you realised you lose more, isn't it abit disappointing? I knew the feeling of banging the wall many times, how hurt & disappointing it was.

Is there really anything left that worth-while spending 90% of time & effort?

Truthfully, I am: At the brink of giving up.

Plus, a Qns:
If a person teach you a statement:
jian-ren-shuo-ren-hua-jian-gui-shuo-gui-hua

How true this person is front of you???

video clip off... wahaha... nxt time put a new one

song by AVRIL LAVIGNE - Complicated.

initailly want a background music, but midi music won't sound nice. so here is a clip for as a replcement. not sure the bits transfering will disturb much mah... seems okie on my com...

somethings are just so complicated......

Video Code Proudly Provided by FreeVideoCodes

yah, I just came home... tired and lazy to do anything now but I am here. Actually, my mind seems so occupied.

I can't stand myself being so helpless when someone is so troubled. Felt so heartbreak as a friend. I know, alot of times I just don't how to cheer people up. When he is so sad, I am so affected. I would just sit there quietly and listen. so lost of words. yah, I am just a boring person. Just don't know what to say next. sometimes not sure, am I "yue-bang-yue-mang".

---

knew that my 2 little juniors are having fun in a far-away place called France. now then I know the time difference is around - 7 hours and now is about into winter. Although is just a short conversation (coz long dist calls are EX!), managed to know how they are doing. How I wished I did have such a chance to attend such an exchange program... well, they earned it! with long hours of studying plus lots of hardwork.....

though, yesterday was a very very tiring day & night, I did manage to survive. Work was like war-sence. After work was like a lost sheep in a new land.

y, am I so mind-occupied? COZ' I am so LOST. I hate that!! I am so fed-up with myself. Such a failure. don't like people being so pushy. Not sure "pushy" is the correct word to used, but what I felt was that. AGGRESSIVE. I don't know how should I walk this new path. there is no turning back for me. yes, I hate and scared to fail.

my thinking perhaps is like: when I put in effort, I must get what I want. NO dissapointment/failure is allowed in me. so right now, I am scared to move on coz I don't know what sorts of test are ahead of me in this path and can I overcome all the challenges ahead.

I NEED A BREAK!!! really, I want a break from this world. Live in a place of my own. felt so suffocated.... imagine, I like the sky darken when is about to rain. the wind is so strong. I love to see the fast moving clouds, turning orange-ish sky and feel the rain droplets on my face. But such as yesterday, I have no time to enjoy all this. Time is so packed. Rush here and there. Even dinner no mood to eat.

OMG...... what lies ahead.....

hmm.... duno why at this time I came to blog, suppose to come online to do sch survey only...

today seems normal as usual... DAY-In DAY-Out.... (heard that is dangerous to live life day-in-day-out; but I had started to live life this way) haizzzzzz.............

these few days been "brain-cells-consuming" days... is like a new change to me but I am still thinking what I want, can I do it and how should I go about doing it...

is like: Someone has already create the path for me, I did walked the 1st step. but wondering should I carry on walking? what will I meet along the way? Is this the correct path to take mah?

yah, I admitted I AM LAZY. yah, is true. I love to "de-guo-qie-guo". But I know, deep inside my heart I know, I can't afford to lose this time round. I JUST CAN'T!

but.... I BEGAN TO DOUBT MYSELF. Felt the stress building up in me esp when people is looking at what I am doing....

where is the reckless & daring gal gone to? I also duno. haiZ...... wad to do??????????? Can I still believe in myself? =(

heck liao, time to zzzzzzzzZZZzzz... liao....

btw, thanks to Xing Zai too... for listening to my complains lar... next time I zip-ed a little. haha...

*opz* actually, I find that I been so talkative these days too (or I been like tiz all the time)... coz I cant stop talking when I saw someone I know. Like yesterday, KS was the ke-lian person to hear me talking all the way... haha....