Its nearly 4am in the morning. 3rd day of the Lunar New Year... Yen's birthday...

I am sick. with block nose. can't sleep. not tired. upset and crying.

He's gone for the night again. Don't know where. Should I call or not? Always wonder should I probe further. I started to distance myself from him. I have my doubts. Keep telling myself I think too much. But where is my answer on his whereabouts on Sat nights to Sunday? Mum even remind him of his medicine before he go. When sis asked Mum where he go, Mum says don't know. Does she?

I breakdown that night. I cried. So hard and uncontrollably. Mum cried too. Mum mumbled not to worried about her. For what reasons she said that? I don't know. I just cried in her arms.

I saw that bitch mobile number on my dial out numbers because he used my mobile due to low batt. Why? I was numbed when I saw that number. Completely. Thats why I hope I get drunk with wine that night. Hopefully when I get up today , its just a dream. However it wasn't.

I don't know should I confront.

Images of Gor's mum came to me. I am so scared. Will I go thu' the same agony that I had?

What if I choose to confront and the undesirable truth face me? I have no mind set to face it.

I can't talk to anyone. I don't know whom to talk to. I need is a Saint to revert things back to as before.

I don't know where to go. I don't know what should I do. I don't know.

I want to run. Far away. But I got my kids. I can't.

I am trapped.