I just want to record my feelings now...

We have a fight on Wed night. Till now, yet resolved. Di sent me a message last night after I slept. After I sms him good nite. He mentioned that I am making him feeling horible.

I was waiting for his sms before I doze off. When I wake up very early in the morning, I saw his missed call and 2 messages. I never read the message yet till I wake up fully. Coz I looking forward to the message, perhaps something will touched me like the one in Bangkok. I anticipate it. I was so wrong.

His SMS just consist of one clear message. I reply back when I am going to work. A long message consisted of 8 SMS. My true feelings. I don't know how he will interprate it. Was debating with myself should I wake him up for the morning call and talk to him? Will he have a good mind to talk? Will I spoilt his day when he opens his eyes? In the end I choose not to wake him up by the morning call and SMS him instead.

How silly am I? I still got worried if he can wake up in time for work.

Finally got his message. He asked do I want to watch movie with him today. I was completely taken off guard. We are still fighting, how come still ask such a qns? I really don't know how and what to reply him. I told him the truth. Told him that I am taken off guard and needed a talk.

Well, we going to meet tonight and have a talk. Place I set it at National Musemum. It is my happy memories with him.

I don't how the talk will go tonight. I am thinking of the worst. Maybe we have to go seperate ways after tonight. If he asked, I don't know what will be my answer be. For I know, I will be more disappointed and upset than angry.... if he choose to let me go....

I want his love and hugs which I can't get....

All the best tonight gal. No matter what happens, Be Strong.

This morning I have a sudden urge of energy building up in me. Is like the body preparing for a battle of sort. Is a sub conscious thing.

Some thoughts came into my mind. Is about Gor’s late mum. It happened on my late auntie’s funeral wake. The final night. His jerk dad brought over the mistress’s son. Considered half brother I think. There was a sort of commotion when someone board cast that illegitimate son was coming. I don’t remember if Gor did lost his cool. But I remembered my mum dragged him one side to talk. I guess was those, “What done is done, let it go” stuff of talk. I think only my mum was the calmest of all that night. After all, late auntie already sort of acknowledges the existence of this illegitimate.

I think, if I was in Gor’s shoe that time, I don’t think I will be so calm to accept what is already there. Accept can, until I made a mark. Perhaps I will pretend to accept and agree to let the illegitimate to be present then. You know, that mistress never appeared that night actually, can see how embarrass her action was. The bastard was fetched over by the jerk father. He came alone. Dare to do it, be sure you dare to show face. Coward mother. Seizing the little boy is not a problem. Mind you, he was about 4 years then. What I want will be the mistress to be present and kowtow in front of late auntie’s wake. And suffer humiliation in front of everyone. So, grab the boy and threaten to break the arm till I see the mistress is present.

Well, I know the above scenario is not able to happen. Why? Because even before the mistress arrive, I believe the police had came.

Anyway, I never really treat the boy well that next day which was the burial day. He happened to be in my care for a while. I shoved him again and again. I think my parents saw what I did, that’s why they took over. My parents never scold nor question me. For I believed that they know what I am feeling. Poor boy, should been scare and confuse then. I wasn’t feeling guilty. Even until today. I just regretted that I wasn’t much older then to think more to do more. That illegitimate should have grown up and be told that his existence on this Earth is redundant and cause pain and death of another person.

I can’t hold down the feelings I had. I can’t accept betrayal in any promises made. Although is not my problem, but I can’t help to feel sorry.

That’s why news articles that report the wife turned violent due to the infidelity; I can’t help to feel sad. For the woman. There are reports that the wife actually burns the groin of the husband while he is sleeping. I actually understand how it feels. I am happy for what the wife did. Caused the husband deserved what he had. You know how sad the wife felt then to hurt someone she loved so much? Is the pain that drive her to a corner.

People will give reasons like, “Is their own family issue, we outsiders should not interfere. It takes 2 hands to clap. We won’t know who is in the wrong. Or the wife is not loving as before” etc. Not a very solid reason that I can accept. If between them has a problem, the husband should not seek solace in other women.

Should I live in olden days, I may be the one whom ordered the adulteress to be drown in pig cages while the adulterer watch on. He won’t be allowed to die.

You know how it felt when I feel helpless on what he is facing?

I talk to him today thu' MSN. I have wronged him. He had things preoccupied in his mind. Not things about us. But confuse about life. I know he is unhappy with stuff, disappointed with what life gong to give him. I feel the same, but I never say a word. Strangely I told him a branch of words that I know it is correct but things I don't really know how to go about it. I wasn't angry with him. But more of disappointed with him for leaving me out of his problems but not share with me... Am I not dependable?

Lost again~

This is the 2nd night of a long weekend. 2nd night that I going to cry myself to sleep I think.

Coincidentally, I just read something from a book. Love is never a 50-50 balance equation. It can be a 70-30 or 60-40. Am I the one whom loves him more?

I can't help to think in this way. Today isn't the first time I felt this way. Every time, I tried to push him away to see if we really meant for each other, I am always the one whom regret in it later. Is like, I want to run down a path so he can follow me but in the end I slowed myself down just in case he give up chasing.

Like a while ago, he went to loan someone's car for tomorrow Jalan Raya. I understand that he may need to wake up early morning for prayers tomorrow. But deeply I hope he will drive to find me for a while. I never on mobile phone tone at home or anywhere. But I just turned it on earlier, hoping he will be downstairs. My special ringtone for his mobile number did rang. Before I pickup the call, I told myself he cares after all. Then, he told me he already reach home.

2 years back, when he got a motorbike, he purposely drove over to pass me a DVD he ordered for me. He don't exactly have my address then. But managed to drop it at my letter box. Lovely isn't it?

This incident is the one moment I deeply remember. Since then, no other incident did overwrites it.

People will tell me, "Guys are block heads, must tell them what to do then you get what you want." The thing is, what is the point of telling them, just to get the result? Yes, by telling them what you want, you can get what you wanted eventually, but is it the main point? No, is like getting the things done without the initiative to do so.

If one cares, there is no need to be told to do so.

Like what I always said, I seem getting tired to run after him. To him, what meant to be is meant to be. To me, it doesn't mean it will drop from the sky from just sitting there.

A relationship is like having a pot of flowers. It needs water, sunlight and nutrients. Is not like cactus. It requires time to nurture it. When you love something, one will automatically do what is needed. Extra love and care.

I am so scared that the extra care and love I have for him will diminish one day.

Plain words of "I love you" doesn't mean anything if it is not meant so. Repeating every time doesn't mean more, it may be just repetition like a forever-loop Java code. You know, like a SOP.

Sometimes I wonder if he knows he is repeating the words again when multitasking his chores and me on the phone. I was seldom the priority.

"I call you back" becomes "Time to end the call. I doing some chores and talk to you tomorrow" to me. At times he called back. At times I doze off sleeping. At times I woke up the next day and realized no call or SMS after all. Sometimes when I woke up in the morning, how I wish to have a good morning message or a good nite message that was left after I slept.

I know he cares. But how much worth I have in his heart? 80-20?

Always wonder, did he even ever come here to see my thoughts?

I started to hate my Fridays....

hey bloggy... I am back again... I know I always turn to you when something on my mind. I know you don't mind... haha... This is a delayed post of last week, been wanting to come over, but always another excuse of not surfacing online...

Today perhaps now, I am not really happy nor unhappy... Just neautal for once.

That day I went over to Di's house crying. I cried while waiting for bus. Even the person up above is trying to be funny to me. There is no taxi to flag at all. So cry all the way to YCK in the bus.

You know why I cried? Because I realized that I will be seeing Di soon which will remind me what is between of us. The huge rock in between. I missed his hugs, laughers, jokes, console and accompany always. But I can't shake it off the thought that there is something missing between us.

A common path of belief.

I seek answer from him one of the weekday. I got his answer from him. He told me he would want to believe more in his religion. He felt that people are more happy when they have some faith. He hoping me to have some belief too. Hope not force.

Upon hearing this, I felt my heart sank. Tears rolled down quietly. Because I realized that is either him or me. To compromise. To give up the identity of oneself. Normally people expect the lady partner to change and believe what the guy believe in. Di blurted out that he will compromise, upon seeing me in tears. I can't help to feel more hurt as I feel that he has to give up his belief to be with me. Is like either me or his religion. I feel bad, sad and lost. I don't want him to be like that.

The choice left is if I want to be with Di, I have to believe in what he has been brought up with or seperate with him. I don't want the latter one. But is there any other choice? Its a opportunity cost sort of situation. I can't have both sides of the world and strike a balance in between.

Simple things like fasting, I never tried it. The most I had is skip lunch. Lack of water is a No-No for me. The knowledge I had on why need to fast, is that so oneself can understand the poor suffering without food / water. However, my question is - why fast when end of the day more food is consume after breaking fast? I don't understand.

There is a girl whom eat vegetables only because his boyfriend is a vegetarian. That's sweet isn't it? They are people whom I know personally. I still eat pork when not with Di. I don't touch common heavy pork meals like "Bak Gu Teh" or "Guay Chap" anymore as I can't take the smell already. However, I still eat sliced meat when at home. Some times, I feel that the frequency that Mum cook the pig necktie or the ngor hiap for me to eat is cause in case I can't eat any more in the future. I feel sad. For Mum. I always cried when I think of this.

I eat beef for instance, but actually my brought up forbid me to do so. I still eat beef from time to time cause I don't see what is the real reason for not so. Same for pork I guess. To me, everything is just a belief.

You may ask me why I so insist of not believing in a religion. Why am I so pain in the ass. Is like something is not physically there to believe in. My reason to the existance of religion is that, it was created long long time ago as human mental is weak, they need some thing supernatural to exist up there to calm them down or confidence without fear. Its like a central of gravity in humans. To make them strong & stable, a faith that keep people sane. Or something to turn to when encounter a obstacle. See, my understanding is this: It was created not really exist.

I always ask this question, what if after the end of your life journey, you found out that it is all a fraud? I always think that death is a forever sleep. No floating around or what-so-ever. I am scared still, caused if that is the case, when we come to the forever sleep, we will lose everything that matters to us alot. Like family. We lose all our contact. The intense fear envelops me whenever I think of this. That, ultimately we will go one day. No route to escape. Its a truth not a myth. It will happen to everyone of us one day.

I respect Di's religion still. Try my possible best not to overturn his belief in him. But how correct am I? His is accurate or mine? I don't think I will have a perfect answer from anyone as it depends whom I speak to. Like, if I speak to a priest, he will say Lord is up there. If you speak to a scienctist, will tell you stars is up there. See, you get fish when you speak to a fish.

So how thick is the shell that is around me? Will I break though one day and found enlightenment?

A half glass water is always half empty to me.

This is a weekend that is just for me. Meant for me. Not busy with something or someone else.

Had a fight with Di on Friday night. Something that I don't really know how to put into words here.

There are a lot of times that I wish we can live and walk down the path forever. To have a family that is belong to us and support each other when life brings joy and turbulence to us. I long to have such. Is it a fairytale? Or it can happen?

But sometimes I seek perfection. A person with passion whom disregards the reality of life.

Is like, my love for photography once that shook me . I really don't know whom can fully understand my love for it then. Sacrificing time, academic results and some friends for the hobby. Yes, there was times that I was the only one whom roam the dark streets of the night with my camera. Some people don't understands why. But there was no regrets. Love for the expression of my feelings thu' the lens.

That's was all, I guess. Not sure anything that came that close.

For some, perhaps that is obsession. To me that passion. I dare to say I deeply in love once. After I lost this love, life gets plain. Been seeking to find back. Tried and failed. Completely given up. Hopeless now.

Families are responsibilities that can't be taken off this lifetime. Lover perhaps can come that close if he can forsake the reality of life.

Sometimes I want to just elope with my guy. To go far far away and love each other till end of time. Giving up all the mediocre of life. Live as per today. I don't understands why some things or rules are to be observe. Having a grand wedding doesn't guarantee anything. Perhaps I can't bring myself to believe a marriage certification can brings. Looking at my parents, I am stuck. Just like the song by Kelly Clackson - Because of you. See the MTV clip, you will understand.

When I choose to love him, I should have know how much changes there will be. But I didn't know these are so overwhelming. I have so many doubts that questions what he believes in. I believed in Science for example. My guy did mentioned that we can go see a teacher to pose him all the doubts I have. It will be a very very long list of questions to be asked. Hope it won't drive the teacher up the wall. Sometimes I don't know that long list of questions is being drawn up by me because I have doubts or just refuse to believe what others believe in. Is like a Chicken or Egg first question. You pose it to different persons, you get different results, but there won't be any model answers to verify with.

Sometimes I don't know where we are heading to.

Do we need to see a counselor?

*************************************************

If I get to marry off with my love one day, this is the song that I will play along with my salsa dance with him.

Tata Young › I Believe

I feel the heat around me
I feel the beat surrounds me
Could this be for real, I wonder
No need for hesitation
Its time for celebration
Will this be the night Ive waited for

When angels fall in love
Heaven knows, does it show, oh
If this love, will last for eternity
Set me on fire

I believe, I believe in love
And like the stars above
They shine, let it shine over me
Set me free I believe in you
And that our love is true
Oh I believe, I believe

I see that people dancing
Boys and girls romancing
They want this to last forever

Cause underneath the moonlight
Everything is alright
Were reaching our hands up in the air

To where the souls alive
Heaven knows, that it shows oh
If this love, will last for eternity
Set me on fire

I believe, I believe in love
And like the stars above
They shine, let it shine over me
Set me free I believe in you
And that our love is true
Oh I believe, I believe

How could I doubt, what was meant to be
Everything I needed was in front of me
Your healing touch, will lift me up in the sky, so high

Because I finally get across the demons I have and believes the happiness that we are seeking together. I believe in LOVE.

Today neither PMSing or anything.

Just wondering...

I have started to live life with schedules. Week by week, day by day... I got kind of tired today, as I over stretched last week. Perhaps I getting old bah... Can't chiong too much at night. Get kind of sleepy around 3am...

Don't know what happen to me these days. Wanted to pack as much things as possible into my 7 days a week schedule. Even I don't have anything up on the list, there is always some other things running in my mind or tapping on this 'free time. Can be shopping for household stuff, clearing room, house chore etc etc.... Is this typical Singapore mid life?? hmmm....

Its not that I don't have leisure time. I do enjoy going out to meet my cliques... sometimes is like pack 2 days for such events... Then in the end, I felt my weekend gone... Its Monday again.

This Rat Race cycle just keep going on and on... Its wearing me out...

Perhaps I am trying to draw my that Bucket list out. To see how much things is undone. To be done before I kick the bucket....

Time is running short....

*********************************

Today this mother duck brings her little ducks out for dinner... Although I have a dinner that don't worth the money, but I did enjoy the time. I love walking home with my kids. We talk we laugh. I was stoning while they are playing at the playground slide.

I was stoning. Thoughts just run in and out of mind. Random. Seeing the kids playing around, I felt I am so blissful to have my kids with me. Although we fight, I scold, they cried, at times; we are still brothers and sisters.

Suddenly, I felt fear. Because I realized this is not forever. We will die someday. Where will I go, I yet know and won't know. I am scared. I also scared what will happen to my kids if I were to go anytime. I worried for Ah Yen. Will he be able to survive in this world of terror? Worried for Ah Zhong. Will he mix with wrong company one day? Worried for Ah Mei. Will she be con by someone one day. I don't know. I seriously want to keep them under my wings. To protect them from unseen dangers. Dangers that is lurking around and strike you when you unnoticed.

Is that dream warn me something? Red flood at my house...

I am so scared.

All these been running in my mind for some time.

What is marriage? What is it for? What does it symbolized? !!

To me it is a certificate. A piece of paper that legally pronounce you man and wife in the eyes of the law.

Some people says its a promise that hold 2 person together. But who never ever break one? People always have tons and tons of reasons of doing so. But what is accepted what is not? I don't see any reason can be substantial.

It takes 2 hands to clap. But doesn't mean that the person will clap with another for the rest of the life. 'The Rest of the Life' can be mean 30 years, 40 years, 50 years or more.

These days I see lots of negative side of marriage. Be it an affair, be it a divorce, be it a half time for couples. Things just went off track just like that. So where is the "They lived happily ever after"?

Perhaps I scared the shit out of me. Just think too much.

Perhaps I wanted something or someone to swept me off my feet. You know, that sort of impact that caused you to be sure of your decisions. Like make me sure of the route I going to walk.

I am confuse. Fear consumed me. Its tiring me up.

I told Di the other day. I look forward to living 2 lives together. Having kids etc. But not the cert. I guess that the cert is like a certified-chop-sold thingy. Even you don't change your mind, doesn't mean that the other won't. There is no forever. So why let that cert set the boundary?

I don't know~ really~ confused. Don't want to lose a person I love. But ... Can I aim for 100% ???

oooo!! my dear bloggy!!

My birthday just past 2 days ago~ old le >.<"

This year's birthday I felt blessed. Received a lot of wishes... Appreciate all the messages that came in...

So how it started?

Xia, Di and I went Yun's house for steamboat that Good Friday weekend. wow... we bought alot of things from SSC Giant. Well, we girls prepared the food in the kitchen, and my beloved Di was in the living room play PSP! haha... I think he felt out of place with us 3 messing up the kitchen! At least he is in charge of washing up after that.

Dinner was great! Abit too full. Actually not full, its bloated.

What surprised me was the 3 had bought a cake! My dear Yun still weaved a wonderfull story of 'Mum bought a cake, help her finish'. LOLz... I was very touched with their thoughts. I cried. er... a few tear drops here and there la.. wahaha... It was a very special cake: a Jackfruit cake!! Never eat such cake before... Yun bought from Armara hotel.

The girls bought me a beautiful necklace & earrings set. Very pretty. Very the girl...

Di gave me a huge box that cannot open till actual day. -___-" That box is just like the size of the "Good Guy" doll in Child's play... wahahaha... I never receive such a big item.

This day is very meaningful to me. I don't know... Maybe I feel contented with the girls and Di to celcebrate my birthday like this. It may not be grand of sort, but its peacefully enjoying each others accompany.

LOVE lost.
I am refering to the LOVE structure outside Fish & Co opposite PS. Di & I had a dinner on Tuesday. When we are leaving, we realized its gone!! I got a cake from him. A yellow pencil box too! ya... a one that I need it badly. Lovely.

Oh ya... I got for myself a Creative ZEN Vision M with the help from Di. wahaha... Its a special offer from Creative due to old series (I hope this is the real reason, not spoilt or anything). I think that is what I need I guess. Well, this add to the list of items in my bag for any outing:

* Shawl
* Pencil Case
* Journal
* Novel
* Zen Player

Realize mobile phone is not in the list? yeah right... Its optional for me. I love go MIA for a day or two or more... haha... Just at some cafe stoning.

PS: Super old model. No more case. Still looking for a decent leather case for it. dotz... wish me luck...

Another thing, Di booked flights to HCMC too. Machim birthday present like that. hoho... This is an impulse buying I guess. Hotel yet book till now. Good Luck to me! I can't believe that I will be on a plane to somewhere that far where language will pose a slight problem. heh~ Looking forward to it.

On the actual day, surprise me more was that my colleague remembered my birthday!! omg~ 2 mini cakes from her. Both are my fav: Black Forest & Tiramisu. She bought from Emi. So cute!! I appreciated that.

Its always my family tradition to have a cake on birthdays. I don't why, but I think it had cultivate my belief that Birthday is not a normal day. Its a important & special day for each of us.

Mum bought me a cake. That cake was cute!! Its a little doll girl on the cake. The baker makes it in a way that the cake is the gown of the doll. Pink color hair somemore. OMG~ so princess. hehe...

My whole family is around the table singing birthday song with me. I am really very happy!!!

Open presents time!!!
My little Zhong can never hold secrets. He so tempting to tell me what in there, even I act I don't want to know. wahaha... The wrapper was very cute. Have lots of little cows cows cut-outs done by him. Even there is a one that had a 'poo' behind it!! My kids and Mum bought me a tripod! I think Mum got help from Di.... must be de....!! hehehe....

Finally I get to open Di's huge present. Guess what? Its not another Eeyore from him, but a Phillips HiFi. Black in color which what I like. Very thoughtful of him as I have just throw the old one away to make space for my new wardrobe. Now need to clear some space for this little new introduction to my room... yeah~

******************************************

I still can't forget my 21st birthday party. I think I can't let go of the age. haha... I 'nian nian er shi yi' =P

Lots of birthday wishes came in. My girl Xia, polymates, my club friends, sch mates, my lovely daughter, my A-Math teacher, Jasmine etc etc. Sweetie too! Yun even called me in the morning! Of course I won't forget about my Di Di... hehe...

Not forgeting, a card came in a week before. The usual person that is always so thoughtful through out all these years.

There is a message that I am not expecting. I think Yun also stunned abit.

I am grateful for all the messages & wishes that came in. Its like reminding me how bless I am with friends and family that remember me. It telling me that my existance is worthwhile after all.

Thanks people!! I love you guys that much.

*MUACKZ*

These days I have funny dreams. Some can be weird and scary, some is just outright funny and illogical. But the dreams is quite disturbing to my nights. It took up a great deal of my sleep time and waking up feeling more tired. haiz... I also envy dar dar that he can fall asleep throughout the night, no dreams to disturb.

I had a funny dream last night. It consist of people I don't know. Perhaps I get to meet them later part of my life? haha...

Because of this dream, I suddenly remember this person when I wake up. During school days, I gave a very wrong impression to someone. Our timings after school always clashed, so get to meet him from time to time. He was a funny person, likes to joke; a nice person to talk with. I still remember after recess when going back to classes, we get to meet along the way too. I always the last person to line up in class while he was the class monitor, he gets to line up first in class.

Well, as the days goes by something evolving that I never realized till he got my house phone from my classmate!! That was when I realized a gave a wrong impression to him that I like him!! Omg~! It created a little hoo-haa that I was kind of embarrassed to seen with him. Oh Gosh~ I started to avoid him. Haha.. That was obvious then... There are times I made a U-Turn when I saw him walking my way or at my destination, and there are times he saw that U-Turning! *opz*

I don't remember how we distant in the end. We get on with our lives. But I never gave him any chance to explain anything. Think back, I should give him one chance to explain and clear the doubts in the air. Seeing me avoiding him hurts I guess. Well, avoiding all gossips was all in my mind then. That why I made such a hustle "withdrawal".

Perhaps I am keen to meet him again to say I am sorry.

Its nearly 4am in the morning. 3rd day of the Lunar New Year... Yen's birthday...

I am sick. with block nose. can't sleep. not tired. upset and crying.

He's gone for the night again. Don't know where. Should I call or not? Always wonder should I probe further. I started to distance myself from him. I have my doubts. Keep telling myself I think too much. But where is my answer on his whereabouts on Sat nights to Sunday? Mum even remind him of his medicine before he go. When sis asked Mum where he go, Mum says don't know. Does she?

I breakdown that night. I cried. So hard and uncontrollably. Mum cried too. Mum mumbled not to worried about her. For what reasons she said that? I don't know. I just cried in her arms.

I saw that bitch mobile number on my dial out numbers because he used my mobile due to low batt. Why? I was numbed when I saw that number. Completely. Thats why I hope I get drunk with wine that night. Hopefully when I get up today , its just a dream. However it wasn't.

I don't know should I confront.

Images of Gor's mum came to me. I am so scared. Will I go thu' the same agony that I had?

What if I choose to confront and the undesirable truth face me? I have no mind set to face it.

I can't talk to anyone. I don't know whom to talk to. I need is a Saint to revert things back to as before.

I don't know where to go. I don't know what should I do. I don't know.

I want to run. Far away. But I got my kids. I can't.

I am trapped.

I am mad.

Mad with the system, with the person that handle issues.

Is like bringing a child to a high grounds and let her fall hard... Never ever give false hope to a child... Does everyone knows that??!!!

All along my sis thought that she could go... not just a 'reserve'...

I don't know how my sis going to react.

Just because Mum scared that the teacher may find difficulties to my sis next year if under her again, do we need to let the issue off?

Hell.

爱的定义是什么？

多少的爱才能足够？多深的情才会永恒？

一段轰轰烈烈的爱情是这么样的呢？

我对他的爱有多深？

他呢？

hey there... some how I am glued to the TV these days. I finally bought the DVD for the HK TVB series War & Beauty. Actually plan to watch them during Nov & Dec where I am more free. But eagerness seem to ruin my plans!! Yeah, I know its an old show... I had a hard time finding it ok? Wait so long for the price to drop.... hehe...

Channel 8 did broadcast this series a few monthes back. However I missed one whole big chunk of the episodes. This show attached to me was that I like this actress Charmaine Sheh. (PS: I am not a les.) I like her acting bah... Not so sure why... I love her shows. She has these sparkling eyes that I believe it never fail to capture any guys' heart. Am I correct? She always portrays ladies whom has a strong character, but also has a weaker side.

What I really like about this show is should be the costume bah. Very pretty. I love those collars!! Sometime I wonder do those ancient ladies wore those headgears. Damn heavy I guess, with so much jewels, flowers & hairpins on it.

Another reason of my interest? erm... Because of the "Cats-Fights" I think. Well, this show portraits how royal concubines trying to secure the Emperor's favor during Qing Dynasty China, with corruption, intrigue and outright deceit being the weapons of choice. These women were willing to manipulate, betray and even kill just about anyone in order to get what they wanted. woah....

Another character that is very interesting is Yuet (portray by Sheren Tang). She is a initially favored concubine who eventually fell out of favor with the Emperor after losing a power struggle with the Empress. She is also initially known for her rather bullying demeanors.

The story get very interesting when the manipluation gets so "out-of-hand".

I don't really understand Canto. But I been watching it in Canto. They sound cute. Learn some words here and there.

Yup, me & my 3-minutes craze..... XD

I fall in love once. Deeply.

Surprising not with someone. o.O Is with something.

I was looking thu' my backup CDs for my BBQ shopping list and stumble lots of things that I thought was already deleted. It brings backs lots of memories. I was smiling to myself for it. These are a few:

- Those complain letters drafts. A few of them. To complain about that irritating-shortie-act gentle-witch. haha...
- Discussion of the presidency.
- A power point slides which summaries the 1st game outing at Changi Beach. (I was the game master!!! hehee...)
- Photos. And lots of it. Fish Farm, CCK Cemetary, Krangi Memorial etc etc...
- A Song. Learn this song at the 1st Leadership Camp. Was together with this someone during the camp. A buddy thu' the rough times. Someone whom was close to me. Whom will seat down with to listen. A person whom is gentle to everyone. I miss her.

Richard Marx & Donna Lewis - At The Beginning. The song blast though my speakers. It has a very huge sensation. It hit me. The emotions are too overwhelming. It is kind of mixed with hurt, happiness etc etc. Very hard to put into words. Tears came rolling down. It strucked me. I once fall in love with it. Too much till it still affect me somehow.

Sometimes I want my that love back. That type of passion I had. 感性.

Is sad that I had a hard time finding someone really understands my this feeling . There are people telling me is over. Telling me life is like that. Things come and go. No need take it too hard. No point putting so much effort into things.

I always feel: To be able to love that deeply, it means I live.

You understand?

All the while, I acknowledged myself as a free thinker. A one believe in Science. But funny is sometimes I am scared of ghosts. I am interested in them, go search for them. But don't know what to do if they appear in front of me. (heehee...)

Di asked me, why I don't believed in religion. My answer is simply: Because no scientific reasons proven. So where does chickens or Human come from, he asked? To him, it is created by God. To me is a evolution of the Universe. Man are evolved from apes. Like our modern Elephants from Mammoths (aka Manfred from Ice Age).

A few years back while working at Canon roadshow, got this Muslim guy explained to me about the religion. Like where does the Qur'an from, where you go after you die, what practices they follows. He even quoted me some negative examples off the streets on the spot. He is quite a strict follower I guess.

The stories he told me, I think I got a little scared. Especially it came to the part of the after-life, aka Judgment Day. It did set me thinking, will it really happen? Will I get separated from those I loved? The 'treatments' is like the Chinese stories we all heard since young: 18 levels of Hell. sama sama.

Ever since 3 years old, I have a fear. At that time after the funeral of my late grandpapa, I always wonder where he go. Does he still with us as a spirit, like in the TV shows. I am happy if he was like that. Some other times I explained to myself, it is like a deep sleep that never wakes up. Whenever my mind reached this point, I will get so scared that I cried out so loud that set my mum n dad came running into my room. I can't explained to them the reason why I cried. Is like don't know how to tell them my fear. After so many years, this thinkings still huant me sometimes. I still cry but sliently. Perhaps I am still not sure how to answer to my actions or perhaps I fear to see the fear in my parents' eyes that they are facing the same doubts/fears.

Does religion explain to us where we will go later on? How come different religions tell different stories? So who is correct? What if I choose something which in the end is wrong? Where will I ended up?

Wanting to find someone to talk to, but who? God knows~

---

To be with him, I am very happy & feel bliss. Although sometimes I complain, it is just nothing serious. (juz PMS-ing hehe...). He is good to me. I am touched that he does understand my roles & responsibilities as the eldest. He does spent time with my kids. My kids accepted him. And I am happy about it.

I hoping to have a long term relationship with him. It is like those in the fairy tales "And they live happily ever after." I am looking forward to that. When I look far far and really very far ahead, I faced choices now. It is not the cultural differences. It is the Religion.

Initially my thoughts was: I will not convert if I don't believe in it. But if I don't, how should I teach my kids? I thought perhaps like Grandma & late Grandpapa. Grandpapa was a Buddhist while Grandma is a Christian. What a wishy thought I have! One possible scenario will happen if I don't convert: "Mama, why you need not fast?? Can I follow you instead of Papa?" I will be there stunned with loss of words. haha... Am I correct?

If I convert, but don't really or fully believe in it, is it an insult to it? To me, it is. I don't wish to insult something that is pure in nature. Is just I don't know how to make myself believe in one thing.

Although I still don't quite understand why pig is an "unclean" animal, but I can give up pork. Practices I know can be followed. Is just need to make it habitual.

These are just a surface scatched. A tip of the ice berg. More situations will appearred. If faced with such a dilemma, where can I go?

I still love Di.

Like my mum says, it will be a bumpy ride. Hold on~ Yup, seats belts on!!!

Some things you have to ask for... then you would have it.
I thought I have the right to have.


Some things you ask for... doesn't mean you have it.
I think I have expected too much.

Tonight I came back to here... after so long. I believe this area has already vacant that perhaps I can really write my real thoughts and feelings here.

Running from my PC now is the song that is in the show Go Karl. This piece is what Di likes. I also like. But when I listen to this piece, I always remember the scene that Soo Jung was crying on the bridge with Karl. It makes me feel sad.

When I sad, I would run this piece too. Don't know why.

This show Di likes because the main actress, Soo Jung behaves like me. Violent sometimes. Act cute sometimes. Etc Etc. There is this scene Soo Jung self-take a video conversation to Karl. Di told me that I did once similar too. I was self taking myself in a boyish cap when I was on the way out. At that moment, I cried. I was touched. Di remebers that.

There are times I am confused. I don't what to do. There is this White Angel & Red Devil talking. Always. Different issues. This Angel & Devil always debating to me. Making me confuse from time to time.

A: You should be happy he is working hard now. Isn't that is what you are looking for? You wanted him to excel. You promised yourself don't let anything to distract him.
D: But not until barely talk for long these days. No quality time. Is not quantity. Is quality.
A: He did find time to meet you for dinner. He tries to find time for you. He is tired. Should be understanding towards him. He is not going anywhere.
D: Until no time to share whats been going on in your mind? How many times you wanted to share your life happenings to him, but how many times you keep quiet and let it pass, although you may have been waiting the whole day to tell him.
A: Sometimes there are some sacrifices. You love him, you would support him.
.........

Sometimes it just go on and on. Sometimes it gets repeat itself. But in the end the Little Angel did talk her way out.

But there are times that I really don't know what to do. I feel both Angel & Devil are correct somehow. Confusion state. That's is why in the end I cried. I am so lost.

I think I rely on him too much. He became part of me. That can't function fully when he is not around. Am I that useless? Why can't I be a bit more independent? Don't make him more worried can?

I know sometimes I had hurt him. I may be missing him that much, but when we are together, I push him away. I scared I miss him more if we are together more. The thing is that things always work the other way. The more I miss him, the more I push him away. The more I push him away, the more I miss him.

I just put down the phone. He just given me a goodnite kiss. He is always tender with love and care. Tears came down when we finished talking. I don't know why. I can't help stop crying. Maybe I felt I let him down with my mood swings.

I love you my dear.

This little blog of mine had just over 230 plus of post. Nevertheless, this is the very last post here.

Because I don't know who are the readers. I can't carry on. I can't voice out my stuff without knowing who is out there. I can't be myself here. Anymore. Perhaps I will move. Perhaps it just end.

Dear reader, thanks for being here. Take care.

Bye Bloggy.

I want to stomp my feet like a child, when I am angry.
I want to run around like a child, when I am happy.
I want to jump up & down like a child, when I am excited.
I want to shout loud anytime anyplace like a child, when I am sad.

I want to be a kid.

not kidding you~

ya, 4 more days the counter above going to hit the max le... But seems can't hit the target. Sad man... not sure how long then I can hit the target.... perhaps 6 more months?? I duno~

Haiz... 3 weeks + 3 days + 3 weeks.... argh~

you know that is happiness when it comes. same old memories. Laughters. you know it will never last. you know you have no longer have rights over it.

Childhood happiness.

4.30am. The Medical Paramedic just left.

First time calling 995, stunned with words. There is nothing I can do, but wait for it to arrive. And the clock ticks away.

The words used still rings in my mind now.

Should the kids know? I don't know~

Dad's 3rd time to A&E in 4 weeks.

Completely Lost. Now.

oh blogggy....

Today have to stay at home.. Injured my back again... =X sad right? haha... Well, become an Grouchy Old Lady. Suppose to see doctor today, but too bad doctors also work 5.5 days. aw~

What a day for me yesterday... Firstly, the sole of my heels came off. Have to walk from Meridrain Hotel to Centrepoint to find a cobbler (Oh ya, actually I forgot there is a term for people whom mend shoes =X). Finally found the Master Mint beside the Cold Storage.

well, have to wait for 20-30 mins to mend it. Uncle passed me a pair of spare shoes. It looked kind of funny, like bedroom shoes. Is rubber material throughout the shoe. Lucky I was in jeans, else it will be super weird/obvious on me.

The injury on my back worsen when shopping at Centrepoint. Dear suggested go acupuncture, but I simply don't want. Another way is to go Keno for massage, hoping it helps to get better. Well, have to tarhan all the way till DFS. Waited for 30 mins for my turn. oh gosh... I even cant stand up without dear.

After the 'nice' massage, we proceeded to the dinner place. Is just next door at Royal Plaza - Carousel. Dear postpone the dinner 30 mins later due to the 'incident' above. Dinner was not too bad. I wanted to go for movie after dinner, but in the end Dear have to send me home straight. Simply too pain for anything but rest.

Haiz...... what a day!?!?!?! >.<

well, its an unlucky month for me... Today last day le... Tomorrow October.. Hope everything will gets better...

Yup, it will !!

This short article is for a few of you... yes, is you. Dedicated just for you.

Crying.

Has it been a long time since you had a good cry? I mean an all out, sobbing, blubbering, nose-running cry? Do you think something catastrophic has to happen before you're allowed to let yourself go and cry?

Crying is cleansing. It removes pollutants from the body. According to a study cited by Robert Ornstein & David Sobel in the Healing Brain, analysis of human tears emitted because of pain or joy show a different chemical make-up then tears emitted because of eye irritations caused by something in your eye or cutting up an onion. 'Real' tears contain higher levels of toxic substances that the body is evidently eliminating through crying. That's a good news - one more way to get rid of the 'junk' we accumulate. (A good cry once a week is what we're after, not once a year.)

I cry at movies, I cry during songs, I cry at Church, I cry when everything is wonderful, I cry when everything isn't. And I do feel lots better afterwards. You can, too.

If crying isn't something you do naturally or if it embarrasses you for any reason, it's okay to be a closet crier until you get the hang of it. Start by noticing what brings up 'teary' feeling for you, A particular song, a movie, a person. Then use whatever it is to 'create' a good cry. So this when you're completely alone or with someone you trust. Crying alone can feel isolating. Crying with someone you trust who keep his/her mouth shut and just lets you cry can be incredibly liberating. If you aren't ready to do it with anyone around, keep reminding yourself that this is a good thing to do, a healthy thing to do. Because it's true. Crying is normal and natural. It's not shameful or weak. If you find that you simply cannot cry, don't give yourself a hard time. Instead, talk with a friend about your experiences with crying or not crying. If even there that's too much, try writing about it yourself. When we've lost a natural function that serve a purpose, it's important to begin to find ways to bring it back into our lives.

Crying is a very useful stress reducer and it's good for you.

Taken from 'Undress your Stress' by Lois Levy, M.S.

Perhaps that is why I love to cry. Another reason to cry. Tissue anyone??

With Lots of Luv,
Ying

He may has the reasons to be angry. Yes. He should. Felt sorry for the actions done. Apologies made but nothing seems to resolve it. Be it he angry or not then. Why bother? And I have reasons that I don't give a damn about him. It will be disappointing to know what is it.

I have done what I believed I should. And that is it.

Seriously I am mad this time.

---

Its hurting to see someone getting hurt and I can't do anything to ease it. The pain pierced again at the same wound of yours. Pls don't suffer alone this time. Seriously when come to this point, that friendship is not really of worth. People maybe shock I said that, but I have grown out from there.

We was deserted back then. Lost & don't know what to do. Wished he can change his mind & come back. But he never. No reasons provided. He did it once, wished he do it again this time.

Else, perhaps this time is a good time to let go of my baby. Yes, a perfect time.

Be Strong & we will tight over... There will be always sunshine... Believed it, It will be there!!!

Now I belived what someone had said recently is very true about growing up. That's Life.

The songs playing from my computer now is Beatles song pieces.

Tks to someone, my dear... Brought me to watch "A Hard Day's Night" by The Beatles. It is an event organized by National Museum of Singapore. "Under the Banyan Tree: Open Air Cinema". Very nice & unique experience.

It is an Black & White movie. It reminds me of Charlie Chaplin movie I watched when I was young. Of course was on TV, not like this in open air. Quite a crowd, same as us brought mat. Some even got picnic basket. haha... quite an sight.

The collections of the song pieces in the CD is very familiar. I think I have listened before just that I don't know is by who. Such as "Ob La Di - Ob La Da". In the movie, this piece "I Should Have Known Better" caught me. Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa~~ keke~

We were back the next day for another screening of "Grease", with daughter too. This film main cast is John Travolta. Know who is he? haha... well, it shocked me abit back then. He cross-act as Edna in "Hairspray". Yup, the over-sized lady in that show. She (should I say "He"?? hmm...) although is big sized in the show, she was able to dance. OMg~ not easy sia...

That afternoon took neoprint. haha... been quite awhile never take. Quite fun. We were kinda of slow, coz time was up before we can select all 6. We only select 3 pieces. But not too bad in the end. I don't know my daughter is so artistic. ;o)

Felt like a little girl... feelings so familiar...

Is not a good feeling. Being raised high up in the sky, but drop down when the fingers are just inches away from it. Yup, cried in the sleep & woke by it.

It maybe a small thing, but it just affected me.

Hate that. Since young. I thought I had received the trust. But I did not. In whatever I do, Decisions made. But seem the person should understand never trust me. Happened every time. So many years. I hate this feeling.

Restrictions. I can't run & break away from it.

Afraid there is more to it. Should I fear for the worse?

So afraid.

I just wanted to shout "I know what I am doing."

sometimes I wonder, why do people fight? Can't we be the same as before?? As we grow up, why does the things around me need to change??

My patience had thin over the years, tried my best being the role model. But who understand? The receiving party don't understand at all. Looking at the photos of the past, looked so innocent & happy. Can I be like then? I am very very tired...

Does he know I am crying now? Why can't he understand my point? Disappointed with myself... I really don't know what to do.

I have so many qns in my mind, that I simply don't understand...

Now is Thur le... time is getting closer & closer... been trying to get myself busy to forget abt the thing, but can't. When got busy, time passes by fast & thus its get nearer to the day...

I can't believe I be going alone. I don't know what will I do then.

I hate going airport.

You may be ready to make some major career changes in your life, dear Aries. It is likely that you have become fed up with the stress of the hard work and long hours of the corporate environment. Surely in this age of technology there is a way for you to spend more time at home without sacrificing the quality of your work. Give some thought to this over the next few days, dear Aries. If you put a proposal together for your boss, you may be surprised by the positive response you get.

So here is today's note... Perhaps a continuation from yesterday... Is there someone from 'upstairs' trying to tell me something??? Can't be that accurate... or is it?? haha...

Have you been going crazy lately with all the demands being placed on you from all sides? Don't despair; take some time out to reflect on all that has been going on. Go inward and think about where you want to make changes in your busy life. Once you have come to a decision, don't hesitate to implement it step by step. This is easier than waiting for the big opportunity and then doing it in one big stride. This chance may never come. And the step-by-step approach can bring immediate results that you might find very satisfying.

So what is it implying? Somehow I felt I know what it is trying to tell me.... Juz avoiding it... o.O

perhaps some light pls....

Happy Birthday my dear Yun!!!! Muackzzzz!!!

Early in the morning had this shocking news.

Don't know what is the real story behind it. No head No tail. But nothing good out of it. Seems no one wants to tell me the exact story.

although that I don't know what happened, I was kinda affected. What a day to wake up to, right...? I can't believed that even mum was puzzled why am I stlll involved it it. Double blow.

Conflicts in the group sure be surfaced when ideas are exchanged. But I don't understand why it is blown out of proportion. Hope for the best outcome.

Sometimes I just envy M. For she had a mentor & a battle companion beside her to hold the fort. Somehow I felt finally M appeared & with the help of G, baby will grow well.

sometimes, somethings won't turn out what you wanted it to be...

ya, I know someone will get angry with me for involving in it.

All I want is baby stand up strong & steady. Will baby fall badly & leave me before the year ends... I won't know.

In a confusion state. Seriously need a break. help~

Movies Movies Movies!

Out on Friday for mid night movie... Die Hard 4. Didn't know that the movie stretch for 3 hrs... Not too bad the show... Except for main actor getting old - Can't Run & Get Breathless and Maggie Q is like an extra in the movie.. XD Overall, I like the effects in the movies... ACTIONS is what I love... Actually find that the bad guy looks kinda of familiar...

Back home for 2 hours sleep & headed off for another movie: Transformers!

Was an event for the youth that Ed is involving. aka AGM. but main point is still the movie! XD hee... wow... fallen in love with the cars I guess... especially the Yellow one... Bumblebee... I will get the DVD for this...

Actually suppose to go shopping with Xia after movie, but last min got tix from Ber for NDP rehearsal. So, Xia follow the rest of us to the show... XD

Seats not too bad. Quite in the middle... One thing sad about was, NO GOODIE bag!!! sian... I want the bag from this year NDP. It is a very special design bag that can assemble with many many compartments as you like.... =(

Well, saw gor on duty again. haha... busy sia... walk here n there... Look damn serious (Smart too...) someone said he very shuai wor LOLx.... well, *ren zhen de nan ren zhui shuai* too bad, Xia never realy see him... keke...

Sweetie was on duty also but never get to see him. He is the Air Force Guard of Honor. too bad, seats abit far so can't see him...

well, the performance was kinda of funny... Because it is not a full dress rehearsal, there are some people & things they replaced with something else. Such as dragon boat race replaced with speedboat... DOTz... Another one was, "Let's put our hands together and welcome His Excellency, Mr SR Narthan. Simulated." Then the IMposter will appear in the car... DOTz!! o.O

Understand from gor that the fireworks only 25% of the actual day. So I should be expecting more & nicer ones on 9 Aug... Anyone wants to go with me??

Went shopping with Xia at caurfour for dinner & headed straight back home after that. Feeling....

Exhausted. Battery flat.

last weekend went to this funny resturant at Orchard Towers. well, some of you will know that sences at Orchard Towers at night is sooo *ahem*... lotsa things to see... XD

that's not the main point anyway... Had dinner at this 3-Monkeys Resturant. This resturant is located near Harry's, I think... The food there not bad.

Highlight of the resturant is that, Kumar is performing there!! (Fri & Sat 11-12pm) The performancers are crossed-dressed. But there is one that I am not sure is guy or gal. Kumar crossed-dressed too. Wow... he is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. really... In long dress, plus in thin HIGH heels, at least 3" (too dark, can't really see..) well, he is sexy.. wahaha...

Not sure how to describe the show, coz it is more of listening to jokes following by some dances. eh... as for the jokes hor... is meant for 21 and above... and if you are open minded enough... =X

Oh my, I was so jealous of his silky long black hair.. Longer & Silkier than mine!!!

PS: He went to the Ladies then, not Gents.

so, Heng ar, wana go???!!? =P

Recent spiritual breakthroughs might have you feeling both exhilarated and downcast. The sensitive side of you tells you that this is a definite step forward for you on your spiritual path, but the logical side of you might be causing you to doubt the reality of it.

Accurate? Yup, is a bingo...

Tough times at work will just doubt the reality of my life & the abilities of mine. When things get greyish, the tendercy of geting disorder is very high.

Not pin-pointing who is the person whom in the wrong. Is the issue as a whole.

There is this chinese saying, ren zai jiang hu shen bu you ji. In this working society, it will fall on the basic rule,"Fittest Survive". By crook or by hook, get what you want matters. Which path taken doesn't matters.

I picked up something from boss last week. "Ruthless does not means evil. In business it means get things done. Being gentle doesn't helps."

Not sure am I riding on top of the wave or going to sink soon. Things get tough. There are things that I can't let it worked my way, I hate it.

In confusion state. And I know crying will only prove me weak.

is it due to I care too much about work~ Am I?

When we do things for someone, what we would want in the end is recipient happy with it. The smile on the face is the most treasured.

Gald to be appreciated. Having known that Grandma is so delighted just brighten up my day.

But, sometimes good things just short lived. For that, it sometimes just sank my heart.

Grandma is leaving Singapore soon, end of July. I am sad, I know Dad too. Grandma too.

Me, just can't help crying...

photos perhaps bring me lots & lots of childhood memories... =(

sad sad sad....

Mid noon le~ Ok, I here to take a break... =X

Actually how many people out there don't like to read news? I used to read papers almost everyday... But as times go by: Lesser & Lesser. But recently I hate to read news. It always get depressing. & Makes me too. I don't know is just me or what... But I feel most of the news are never happy. Except for those football news (who goal who get paid more blah blah) News: It either dwell on other people's sadness or magnifies someone's tragic. haiz... That's life?? Is there ans to it?

---

Time been seems to slip off my hands... I am getting & getting less organized. Sometimes I just get so tired that I don't wish to do anything or even talk! So I am getting OLD or just plain LAZY? I think is the latter one... zzzZzzzZzzz...

---

well, seems my harddisk going to give me problem again... irritating. Now then I remember what stuff I had in the old one before it crashed. Now I need some of the pics lo~ WTH

---

Grandma is moving over to Indonesia soon le... perhaps end of next month. I also duno what to say about it too... =(

Will Miz her...

hmm... meet up with heng heng last weekend... oh gosh... erm..er... well, I won't say what happen... is "for me to know, for you to find out"!! (later he *shy*) haha... Never know he can so hiao... LOLx...

well, I am looking forward to the new Heng... Cya at the next date!! =)

---

haiz.. sprain my back on SAT... funny thing was, it just happen all of a sudden when I was walking...

walk & walk... then suddenly *jerk* == sprain

*pain*, worst thing was that I ended walked like a pregnant lady... *faintz* Guess what? I was at a resturant @ PS, the waitress said "Becareful, there is a step"... And while I am leaving, "Watch your step" was what I got from another waiter... Got their message? Or is it me too senstive? *double faint*

well, going to see the chinese doc tonite... expecting more pain! Mommy!! >.<" *sob*

Friday ... now is 1.35pm... a few more hours (5 hrs!!!) then off work.. damn sian now~!!~

though is a Friday... but seems nthing much cheer me up except for GSS shopping later~ awww~~

---

So here is the picture for the Step Down Party. Looking at it, makes me feel so OLD~ well, as you can see, there are so many "Kids"... omg~ time flies...

nevertheless, it is still my desktop wallpaper... =X

eh, my dear Northlanders.... you guys saw one familar face in the pic??? The guy behind me whom wearing grey... he look like someone....

o.O

Still feeling kinda sick... Got MC yday for stomach flu + fever. I think I got it from my sister. Not sure did I spread it to someone... =X Hope I don't...

My last weekend not too bad. Went for the club step down party on Friday in sch... Went to get a cake before that. So sad that I can't get the chocolate mint cake that I used to get when I was still at NYP. In the end, got chocolate cake lo. =.= "Happy Retirement" was what I wrote. eh, somemore I had to call someone to verify the word "retirement" is correct or wrong. *paisey* hahaha...

The kids had it planned out nicely. With people that is sporting enuf, there bound to be nothing but FUN..

oh ya I foget to mention, someone that eveing shocked me with his stunning news!! His new image... OMG! I still can't believed it man!! *faintz* Yup, meeting him soon for some GSS shopping!! PS: I will get one of his pic uploaded here!! Can I? =P

- What happen to my guys around me ???!!?!? -__-"

Sat, went to PC show... did some 'window shopping' while someone bag home with his new laptop & lotsa freebies. waw, his bargaining power nothing to say. *thumbs up* hahaa...

Went to look for Jiayi too. He was at the Compaq booth. He ORD le! first from our claz. waiting for admission to SIM/SMU bah...

After that went for dinner at Genki Sushi with the rest. Movie "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" I was very blur thoughout the whole show. Only the last part, clear abit here n there... well, I go for actions only... keke...

went for Supper & HOME sweet HOME...

SUnday is a nuaing day... =D

---- END OF UPDATE ----

Today was a horrible morning. even till now... KNS.. *not in a very good mood liao*

I always don't understand why people can't even take up a single reponsibility. Is that so hard? Even is just simple things. Is responsibility equals to burden? Why some people can't feel that taking up responsibility is a sense of pride?

stupid people *idiotic*

>.<" ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZzZZZZzzzz......... (kill me pls..........)

ya, people always says 'Don't let other's views, actions or words affect your day.' How can sia?? so irritating....

well, I am having a long weekend for myself. Spa later tonite.. yet decide what I want to do for the rest of the days... hmm... will be attending club event this week also ... need to reLax abit...

Meeting up with people is so hard huh? My dinner date (suppose to be MY BIRTHDAY dinner) with sweetie is super long overdue. haha... well, busy schedule is just so pack....

can'T our pace of life SLOW DOWN......??!!

wahaha... cute right?!! =)

- Not taken by me of coz'

although I was totally shag till now, but had a lovely weekend.... XD

I was back to the club official outing. The first outing for the freshies... initially I don't really want to lead any group, but in the end I sort of taking care some of the 'kids'..

The feeling came back when I was talking to these group of people. I felt: 'Oh, this feels right. This is the real me.'

But there is something bring me down in the eveing then. I was very disappointed with myself. Felt irritated. Angry for not having any pictures I know I will like. perhaps I lost it completly... :'(

Later that nite, a few of us went for a drink.... I got sort of high~! got a little cranky~ haha... when she told us what she is going thu', I feel for her. Exactly the same. Felt her love, her passion & her effort...

She is far better than me. She analyse. She thinks. I know she will be a good leader. Sometimes, I feel like a mother whom can't let go of her child. True enough, club is like my little baby. But right now I know my baby will be in good hands.

Thu' out the years, I tot that I won't meet that special one that feel what I felt. Finally, I have found the person.

yay!! can *retired* liao~

Gald that I listened & went for the outing ... =)

AUNTIE AUNTIE AUNTIE!!!!

this morning was so greyish... was feeling very tired... felt so OLD out of nowhere... the rainy weather makes it worse. got more grumpy... Juz no mood for anything. even dressing up... Gosh, realized how AUNTIE I was after I stepped out of my house:

Auntie - whom wore white LACE blouse
Auntie - whom wore blue LONG skirt
Auntie - whom wore HEEL-less flats

oh God, is that me???!!!

what happen to me?!?!?! NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sob*

I know what I am missing, will go and get it on Fri.. hope I can get what I want. wish me luck~

PS: I am NOT PMSing~!!!! =X

was feeling so/very uneasy..... and I don't know what to do with it~

and with that, somehow a solution appear before me... (just, a moment ago) haha... at least the someone from above never forsake me when I am in such situation....

& I believed the person will laugh till the head off when he knew what happen... LOLx. =P

yup... I be alright~ yeah!!! =)

Grouchy, Grumpy, and a little Cranky....

oh well, yesterday was kinda of above (perhaps today abit of it too...) ... not sure what happen to me man... *sleepy* Feeling so edged up... think due to that stupid rice bowl ~ nah... not going to talk about it here...

gosh, I kinda develop a sweet tooth when I gets cranky... ete chocolate cookies straight after dinner... and ate half of the balance Heaven Strawberry Milk Chocolate... =X heaven man~!~ haha...

how?!? gaining on the weighing machine liao... sad sia....

today rainy day... time to go for a little fun in the rain drops.... woohooo...

To conclude, tiz gal a little nuts le... =P

My Little Silver Coin Tin

"A dollar a day, make it grow abit heavier each day."

It was my first time watch show that is screened for Singapore International Film Festival. The film title is In Passion and Love (El-Eshq Wal Hawa). Its origin is from Egypt, so you can guess what is the language used in the film. =X

Here is the sypnosis... [Link]

Shot in Cairo, Alexandria and Aswan, this romantic drama questions the nature of love today through the story of a middle-class girl named Alya and the rich Omar. The couple falls in love during their early college years, but break it off in the face of social barriers. One day, they accidentally meet and discover that they have become different persons. Salma, the would-be wife of Omar, feels his change of heart.

Directed by Kamla Abou-Zekry, the film reteams screen duo Ahmed El-Sakka and Mona Zaki, who both co-starred in Africano, Mafia and Saeedy Fel-Gama'ah El-Amerikeyya.

Btw, I didn't know that Egyptians are so pretty & handsome... nan de jun, nu de qiao... =X

It is a great experience to watch it! haha...

Nice to experience different stuff every now & then... Thanks!! =)

Hey came across this article this morning....

[link]

Capessa blogger Suzanne Ledo answers your questions about how to improve your life. This week she shares how positive affirmations can help you make the most of every day.

We are creating our lives with every breath, in every moment, and through every one of our thoughts, words and deeds. We have a choice every day when we wake up, and we make hundreds more choices throughout the day.

For many years I was one of those people who perceived the glass as half empty. I’d complain and whine to anyone who would listen. I hated getting up in the morning and was never satisfied with anything. If someone asked me how I was, the answer was usually something like, “hanging in there,” “ok, I guess,” or a litany of complaints about how crappy life was. I was always angry and frustrated. I didn’t realize my attitude was dragging me deeper and deeper into a dark hole of negativity.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. That turned out to be the wake up call I needed. After going through painful treatment and surgery and being confronted by my own mortality and the fragility of physical existence, I decided it was time to take control of whatever time I had left on this earth and make the best of it.

I started to meditate every morning. I began to make a list of all the things that I am grateful for before going to sleep at night. I implemented some subtle shifts that have made a huge difference in my life.

I’m still not a morning person. I will sleep in when I have the chance, and some of my most creative time is in the afternoon and evening. However, I’ve learned to change my perspective, which makes waking up a much more pleasant and joyful experience.

When the alarm goes off, I take a few deep breaths, then get up and sit on my mediation cushion in the corner of the room by the window. I do just five minutes of deep breathing while visualizing the awesome day I’m going to have, then I do a short yoga sun salutation routine. (I usually skip the laying on the floor part when I do it outside.)

I shower, dress, then prepare a quick and nutritious breakfast – usually a fruit and protein smoothie, a bowl of oatmeal or a veggie omelet. I prepare my lunch and snacks for the work day: a salad, a pita or wrap sandwich, a small bag of nuts or trail mix, a piece of fruit and some string cheese or a cup of yogurt.

At this point it’s time to face the commute. I hate traffic, but fortunately I have a collection of great CDs, uplifting music and audio books. I’m not going to say I meditate in the car, as that would be dangerous, but I do deep breathing exercises and try to be aware of the little things around me.

I’ve also begun pasting sticky notes with affirmations on the dashboard. I spend over an hour a day in the car, and driving is such an automated process. What better way to help positive thoughts sink in to my consciousness:

* Wonderful things are happening today.
* I am always moving forward.
* I am exactly where I need to be right now.
* Expect a miracle.

From that point on, the rest of the day becomes much easier. As the ancient Chinese saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step…”

How have you redesigned your life? Please share any tips or ideas that you have worked for you.

haha... from the third paragraph, I was like, "oh, that is me sia... hanging onz..." LOLx. sound like me sia... then I reflect back, I think poor sweetie is hearing my whine-ing almost everyday... *pai sey*

haha...

well, got another one from another article.... [Link]

Assuming you want to improve your health, lose weight, stop eating something or start doing something, the best thing you can do to get on track right now is stop thinking about the problem.

Start focusing on happy thoughts, and I would imagine that the new you – whatever and whoever that is, will make you happy, so think about him/her.

Try these "WorkIns":

1. Imagine yourself as the person you want to be, doing the things you want to do, looking the way you want to look. If this doesn’t make you happy, then you have been misleading yourself because there is no point to being that person if it isn’t going to make you happy.

So fixate on it, feel it, focus on him/her daily, hourly, constantly. Feel what it will be like to be that person, and if it makes you feel good – then think about it more and more and more.

2. Make a happy list every day. List on a piece of paper all of the things that you are proud of, happy about, grateful for.

You will be inspired to do something if you really do these “workins” consistently. You may spontaneously desire different foods; you may all of a sudden love exercising. You may find a new job, meet someone special, get introduced to someone or something that changes your life to ultimately bring every part of you – physically, mentally and emotionally in line with the happy you.

Enjoy the process – make it fun – you can be happy now.

Is kinda funni when you are experiencing something, then you realised that someone else is also experienced it before. and somehow got solution for it....

Perhaps life is like this...
Going thu' something, and thought that I am the only person on the Earth going thu' it. After sometime, suddenly will realized that someone else also experienced it before. If luck is good enough, a solution will also appear.

That's Life. haha... Funny huh?

so today is the day... after draging so long...

been waiting for something to change for the better... maybe I expected too much in the first place... that why disappointment at times...
I heard the tone in the voice again... can imagine how the person is...

I still feel abit raw in me... so hard to discribe the feeling....

well, I need reminder to look forward le... don't look back anymore... I hope I can...

I am sorry.

---

as times goes by.. things get depreciated, eroded off, faded away... so does feelings... I been searching for it but still yet found... Is the passion that I have lost it. The burning flame that was in me. Once.

That night at Raffles place, those people I saw... I envy them... why? for staying so late? no..

Is like, I used to do things without knowing whats in there nor care about what the result might be. Just do what you love... and you think is right... But I seems can't now...

I wonder where I lost the old me. can I ever find back...? sometimes, there are too much memories too...

holding on something is not there anymore, I know is abit foolish... but I think that is the only thing that I duno how to let go... perhaps coz' there are nothing else for me to hold on to le....

Flame... extinguished? perhaps bah...

I miz those days...

---

perhaps I need a break... thus' hope the plans on thurs will be smooth... can sometimes, someone else take charge??

perhaps Sat use the shopping trip to relax myself...
I need it...

seriously, putting up on a strong front is kinda tough. Can tarhan 1 day, 2 days, 1 week.. 2 weeks... but there will come one day it will just blow up... and ....

well, hate myself for being so weak... foolish huh? Is like the little grasshopper whom keep hopping & hopping. Hop & hit ceiling... Hop & hit ceiling... untill came to a time, a big baluku appear on the head and thus' won't hop anymore *pain la* (eh... tiz story sound familar huh? =D) ...

perhaps Aries is a tired train le... not going to move... *service disrupted* back at depot seriously under heavy repair... sorry to let ya know, Sunshine Ying won't be back soon...

but, no need to worry much... I am still doing not too bad. Hanging on~ XD

---

hey new visitor.... poping by to listen to music huh?

actt I know why are the messages was being cleared... 6th sense kinda accurate...

Meanwhile, try not to bottled up yourself too much la, no good for the heart & health... Later erupt like volcano how? OR shattered likethe Ikea vase how? OR snap like a pressure built up rope?

Some things need to let go~

Take care ya!!

oh ya, the song "No Promises" is by SHAYNE WARD... nice...

Hey ya,

Yup, I am 22!! omg... LOLx.

Hey gal, here I am in the new cap..eh, I forget to ask them to take me in that cap; so I crop it from one of the pics...=X Nevertheless, the cap is nice & easy to match... Tks alot!! Luv u lots!! *muackz*

We had a pinic session @ the Bishan Park for the April babies..I am one of them. Aaron, Simin & Cyrus too.

the session was great... which is also come with treatment to the egg protein conditioner, the thousand-island-sauce moisturer... & not forgeting abt the creamy cake facial... omg~ LOLx.

A few of them in-charge of preparing food; Papa Ray & Michy ah Girl is one them...

the father & daughter was busy 'selling' off the salads in the afternoon. well, kinda of 'force' sia... haha..

see, I am one of those 'customer'...


haiz.. Senior TzerLiang can't escape too... hee..


Papa Ray dote her daughter alot... poor michy~


thumbs up & I raise white flag for them le... they got 2 cakes for that day... One is the real one & the other small squarish one was meant for...... u can guess... >.<"

Here is the cake for ... "playing"...


the four of us... I was wondering how come only 4 slices of cake only and that is when the 'sabo' starts...



Finally, we get to see the REAL one... it taste great too...


anyway, I got what I want too.. Anna Sui's perfume... Nice scent... btw, saw that ball of newspaper in the forefront? Took me quite awhile to open up the present... haha... duno is it 22 layers of it... poor me~ the person wraping it also had a hard time anyway... =X



Luv ya guys!! It ended beautifully that night.



I like tiz pic... KInda of Papa trying his best to 'hong' his daughter down... sort of cute...



*Tks to those whom remember my birthday... no matter how short the message is, it juz touches me by the thoughts behind it... the thoughts does matters... Tks people!! Meet ya people soon...*

hey bloggy....

today though is a Monday, somehow I am quite happy & relax... Duno why no bluezzz~ hee...

anyway, seems like I been eating and eating non stop... since last last Sat I think.. Anyway, tiz week meeting Xia, to eat again... lol. Getting fat... omg... like what I always said, "chi de bao, shui de hao". Life's Good... I know is time to go run again... Ponggol here I come!!! anyone with me? LOLx.

oh ya...
this year, we are going to break our record of last year and the year before... is an annual event... so what is it? I won't tell you now... shhhhhh.... =X haha...

---

I got an Eeyore plushie last week. sort of an super early bday present... Is an Eeyore that has butterfly wings... so cute... haha...

I love Eeyore so much... why? I also not sure. Perhaps is abit like me... Gloomy and sometimes get abit depress... =X But don't know why, Eeyore is not really that welcome by most. I felt he was being bias against with. When you go to most shops, they have Pigget, Tigger, Pooh, Rabbit etc... but Eeyore is sometimes not found. somehow till now, I yet find puzzle that is Eeyore alone... so sad rite?? pooor thing~~

with this Eeyore, I think got abit kiddish these days... even Mum there shake head... haha... so is a licence to act cute huh? haha... for time being la... will recover back soon....

anyway, tks DADDY...!! =p

Everyday, we have to make choices. Having options, some people said is good, some not.

I don’t like to make decisions. Always made bad judgment. Or should say I can’t accept any slightest error that will occur, I want perfect results. No, should put in this way: I don’t like to make decisions that will affect others. If the either option will only affect solely myself, I don’t mind taking risk of whatsoever.

Now for me is that, I dare not make any choice. Because either way, there bound to be heartaches/headaches for those parties involved. So, here I am in the “stationary” mode.

I think someone did tell me before, “How worse can it gets” type of thinking. I never try that.

Perhaps I am really in a vulnerable state. Any wrong move might just shatter me. Nor I am confident of it. Maybe I am just needed of assurance and support, somehow.

I am afraid.

today nothing seems to be right... from work to friends to family to transportation... haiz... I never like things to fly out of my control... even it is, I can 'ride' it well.. but today is non of it.

so is it me or the people? or is God having some sort of fun? I don't know. I wasn't angry with anyone, or myself. Is just feeling 'nor where here or there'.

this is an 'advice' from the horoscope this morning...

"A key word for you today is patience. Learn how to wait without becoming restless or grumpy."

so can I be grumpy? or juz a little grouchy? XD

hmm... here I come to vacuum off the spider webs, just in case someone complains (u r the only one person wor~)... =p hahaha... jk....

well, this week not much of update... hmm.. let me see....

I wana to change the color of my room since before Chinese New Year... but till now, seems no signs of brushing the walls of the room... haha... Well, I've got the color charts, but seems can't decide what color to use. haiz... my sis seems to 'fight' with me over the colors used. when I say I want dark purple, she wants light purple. then I suggested bright pink, she wants pale pink... OMG... Mum seems to 'flip' when we fight... LOLx.

well, I think I might take up the pencil again and draw a draft layout of my room and put in colors using the computer... I want to have 2 different color walls in my room, but can't decide which colors. Now headache thing is, com DEAD!!! irritating... haiz...

anyway, I don't really have much choice of colors... Mum gave me 4 options due to fengshui;- Red, Orange, Yellow & ???. a NO-NO colors are Green & Brown. haiz... seems like having options is equal to not having options.

I love blue.. so can use? can I? or can I not? well, I think Mum also close 1 eye on me ... =X

Perhaps I may paint 1 wall Galazy (dark grey) with another wall pale blue... or Sungold (bright orange) with Evergreen (dark green). I can't imagine what would be the result, but it just sound FUN!!! yippy!!!

last problem: with such the above combinations, what will be the color of the door??

>.<"

hmmm... today still consider Chinese New YEar wor... Happy New Year!! here is some recap on what happen for that new year week...

for the first time, I felt old... haiz... I never like CNY in the first place, and this year made it worse... Why? you may asked... Well, this year I find that there are more kids running around me... >.<" Kids growing up, I strinking old.... what to do?

anyway.. CNY is as normal as usual as per every year... haha.. Reunion dinner is always at home... then other days dinner is else where...

oh ya, mentioning about dinner, the chinese resturant at the One Fullerton, I felt really waste money... waw piang, so little selections, service no good... damn irritating... really not worth the money I spent there.... still prefer Jumbo... haiz...

anyway, after dinner, my whole family leisurely sit at the StarBucks by the sea and wait for the fireworks... while waiting, I realized we never see fireworks together before... Parents watch during their courting days I guess.. XD Me almost every year... I think the Kids never... =X well, I hope the pictures I took that night of my family will come out good...

The third day we went over to Aunt house to 'lo hei'... Quite fun sia... Coz I am the one sort of preparing... hehe.. the ingredients are those standard ones lo.. But when came to laying out in the dish, I tio stuck... "Is there a standard way of laying out??" In the end, no one seems to able to tell me.. hehe.. so shun bian lo... LOLx. we had a fun time 'lo-ing'... I think my auntie's new maid got stunned on the way we 'lo hei' wahahaha... anyway, fun is what matters most...

Thur, met up with Yun, Xia & Jasmine for lunchie... We had lunchie (aka Farewell lunchie for Yun) at Great World as Xia had to work that day.. (see, we treat you so good... =P) we ate at the Crystal Jade.. the food not bad... except for the noodles that I orderd. Sichuan favor. soooo yuckks... =X

after lunch, I followed Yun "huan dao zhui zhui zhui"... haha.. we took bus to Parkway Parade as yun wanted to get some stuff from his uncle. After that, we took a bus to SIM LIM Sq to get her external hard-disc... well, I quite blur at which one to buy. I think Yun bought Seagate one as mine is Samsung, and its DEAD. I went to back that shop and told them mine is DEAD. Even they can't rescue it.. kaoz... I was asked to go to the serivice centre. sian... no servicing done actually, the personel actually want to have a one to one exhange... My DATA how???? piang... she recommend a 3rd party recovering data shop... I was advised that the cost of recovering is $240 including service charge!!! haiz... in the end, the data in it don't really worth that cost, is just that those photos gone... *sob sob* so did a one to one exhange lo... I did a little shopping at SLS, bought a PCI USB Card and a card reader.

SAT, the club memebers had 'lo hei' at my house. Morning I went to the vegeterian resturant to buy... Mum cook curry chicken & beehoon for us... Diana was the first one to arrive ard 3pm... the rest came shortly after that... Senior fandi purposely bought the WRONG Giant oranges over... >.<" haha.. but at least in the end he also bring the correct ones...

CNY as usual, gambling is always the entertainment... haha.. my house so small, but still can hold 2 ' gambling dens'..





see, my brother also know how to play... her sister ME don't even really remember how to play... >.<

so here comes the main dish of the day... LoHei!! I bought vegeterian one as I not sure the ingredients of those normal lo hei is halal or not.. but there is still salamon .... =D


My humble small table can't take so many people lar.. have to squeeze... 15 ppl plus my family... waw seh... lol...


As usual, lo hei sure made a mess out of the place... food all over the place... but lo hei muz eat the balance mah.. so we sweep the balance off the table to eat also... LOLx.

Here is the mess....






Fandi also bought some wine over... It tasted better than one I bought... His was 2 bottle in a package that come with the wine pourer...




Here is our noisey Yam Seh!!!

nearly flipped when saw this... Bryan purposely did a close up on me for the yam
seh... >.<"



anyway, Ray got abit high.. he always like that after he drinks... I think my mum was abit there shaking her head... LOLx.


Here is Ray with my Mum... he was phyco-ing my mum for the whereabouts of the 3rd bottle of wine...




After that, we went to AMK Kbox for a show down sia...






My CNY holidays considered over when I send Yun off the next day... =( Yun, you must jia you wor... Cya in Dec!!

Guys Next Door - I've Been Waiting For You

yeahh..
Girl I've been searchin so long thru this world
trying to find someone who could be
what my picture of love was to me
and you came along When I saw you I knew you were the one
the love that I've been dreamin of I've been waitin for you (waitin for you)
all my life for somebody who (somebody who)
makes me feel the way I feel when I'm with you, baby
have you been waitin too
cuz I've been waitin for you Girl I've been saving my love all this time
cuz I knew someday I would find
the one that i've loved for so long in my mind From the moment that I looked in your eyes
I saw the girl I've loved all my life I've been waitin for you (waitin for you)
all my life for somebody who (somebody who)
makes me feel the way I feel when I'm with you, baby
have you been waitin too
cause I've been waitin for you Now that I've found you I just cant let u go (cant let you go)
no no no ohhh
oh there's just one thing I want you to kno Spoken: girl I love you so... I've been waitin for you
all my life waitin for you
I've been waitin for you
all my life waitin for you
when I saw you I knew you were the one
the love that I've been dreaming of I've been waitin for you (waitin for you)
all my life for somebody who (somebody who)
makes me feel the way I feel when I'm with you, baby
have you been waitin too
cause I've been waitin for you I've been waitin for you
all my life waitin for you
I've been waitin for you
all my life waitin for you
I've been waitin for you
all my life waitin for you

Is a nice song to remember... Happy Valentine Day...

How sad it gets when someone realized that the trust should be there but it is not?

I have disappointed this someone. Even before I mention it, he had such a gut feeling that I will not believe him no matter what he says.

Despite the reasons I said, I believe there is nothing can be done to redeem myself. yes, is my fault.

Yup, I think I have screwed up myself. And stained the friendship.

I am Sorry.

---

I have been letting people around me down; what am I doing?

Had a fun Sat.. Went for shoot at St John. It was a nice place for one-day retreat. Sunbathed in the sun ended having myself "overbaked". very painful now.. *sob sob*

I was home on Fri night for an hour sleep around 5am before meeting the rest for the outing. The friday nite was out for late night movie & pool + mid-nite supper & shopping @ Mustafa. Watched "the Last Dance". erm... I think I still can't make sense what the story is. I think I need to re-watch it again. Senior was very stunned for me & ed never step into Mustafa before... very surprise meh? haha.. I always walked pass there, but never been in once.

But now, I have lots of reasons to go there le... I found some nice Chocolates!!!

The outing time was 8.30am, so I have at least an hour to rest. Nevertheless, I was late. Reach around 8.45am. Simin was the last person to arrive. We went to Jetty to wait for her. We nearly missed it. My mood was lighter after we passed the ticket Uncle. I remember I was running & skipping like a kid, even the boat Uncle says "Slowly gals..." lol..

thiz outing was a slow one as I was kind of sleepy (i think the rest also !! zzz....). I think, that is why I was able to dozed off in the sun. the wind was cool enough that never let me realize how blazing was the sun...

when I was wide awake. my mind was filled. that place is a very nice place for deep thoughts... Perhaps I should go back there again soon... I like sleeping at the edge of the stone slope where can hear the rushing waters beneath....

after the outing, back home for bath and out for Eugene bday... wow, it seems quite awhile I seen all of them... missed those fun we always have... keke....

---

For the whole of that day, my mind was not with the people I with...

When I was at the island, I thought of someone. Wondering what was he doing at the moment. We never out for such outings before. Tea sessions is always the ones. I also thought of that night... looking back, I don't know I cried for whom. For me or ... I felt I did a great mis-deed to him. Since then, I am in guilt.

When I was with the class, my minded drift off too. I not sure why, but seems I can't enjoy myself. I just can't be myself...

Like what I said, it just overwrites alot of things. Is not neglecting other things, but is just doing what my heart feels... perhaps I feel too much for it; so right now, no matter what, it is just first in place.

Sometimes I just want someone to stand at my side in what I do...

You are ripe for a change, dear Aries. Perhaps it's time to dig up and dust off that resume.

oh my god... when things got so accurate... >.<"

I don't know, was there wondering, do guys think that when ladies have mood swings are due to either PMS or Pregnancy. Though, sometimes is true, but there are times neither is.

Today should be a happy day. But perhaps, due to the earlier part of the day that bought my mood down & magnify my emotions. I have been trying to cover up all my emotions but guess I gave in when I was all alone when getting home.

wanted to go Ponggol End seaside but seems my feet leaded me elsewhere... Home is still where I belong. Like someone said: Your family is always your pillar of strenght.

When things got piled up; when all sorts of infomation/alternatives of different natrue coming in from all directions awaiting for your choices; realizing that running away is not an option, stress gotten me. Yup, I guess is I hate to face it alone. Fear had engulfed me.

maybe he said was true, "Don't remember the past nor think of the future; just live the day." But my flaw is just directly of the opposite. There are alot of questions that I yet gotten any answers; nor daring to go find them out.

I just hope that the my first resoulution written at the club forum able to come ture.

Two words: Simply Lost

I guess the guys won't be accessing to here. But I still want to give my deep heartfelt gratitude to them. Hope my previous night never stunned them too much. Thanks.

Hey there... in the previous entry, I mentioned about a book that I read... is by Nicholas Sparks.

his first book I read was A Walk to Remember, it was introduced by Heng. It was a simple & innocent love story that will bring memories to some.

the book I been reading is At First Sight. This book was borrowed from a senior. Is a wonderful story. I seldom read novels on romantic theme. Mostly, horror plots that revolving vampires, ghouls, ghosts etc.. these just catches my attention. =X

But...

This book is not those teenage-romance tale. It revloves getting out of singlehood into having another someone walking together in life & setting up a family. Is the mindset changes... The story is very touching. In a span of 30mins, I was laughing at the story till I teared at the unexpected turn.

now, I am 3/4 way thu' the story for the 2nd round. Just realized that, I have missed quite a number of small details to make the fuller picture.

well, this book is a lovely book to spend time on....

---

These days a piece of song been running in my head. Don't know why it just sound so familar. I could not make out where I heard from. now, although I can't understand the lyrics, I can hum the music... omg.. haha...

but it is a very nice piece....

... for the first time, I find nothing to do. Is not nothing for me to do, just that nothing fits my mood & thoughts...

suddenly, yesterday my world seems to stop moving...

Walked to the reference library, don't feel like going in... no ATM card so cant go SLS... Walked to pool centre, stucked outside the door....

My internet was down. Backup harddisk also crashed. Mp3 player no batt. Hp low batt.

needed a card reader badly, but blur me left the ATM at the other wallet... internet down been like for like months and I just lazy to call up the call centre to check the promotion for the new modemn. Initially I thought is okie, as I able to online in the day. At least there are stuff for me to do offline. But now, my portable harddisk died on me. kaoz... damn irrittating... I yet transfer the files back to computer after formating!! files lost... forever... zzzzzzzz... Especially the photos... past 3 years memories gone...

what else coming... sianz...

so in the end, fall back to the book I was reading for the 2nd time... Will talk about the book at the next entry...

this is a piece that I like most... By Ed of coz...

for I never take a picture of a backview that is of "feeling"... I don't know why...

for someone whom stay tuned here.... sorry to keep you waiting... =D the pictures are credited to Edwin. The pictures of the previous post is credited to Affandi.

PS: no PS enhancement done. I am lazy =X

Maps readings... where should we go? here? there? where?


the KISSes... whooohoo...






the Pig Big Family


I look like someone that I had lost touch with =(


Poor Ed...


Chirstmas coming to Town...


Handsome Boy ready to Party for the 1st time ever...


I'm in the mood to party....


my Princess..


"Sister-ly" Love


Foot Massage juz before we headed home...


Foot Massage: that was my first time having foot massage. Actually not that painful as I thought. well, after effect was: SHIOK !!


I am ready to Jump Train! Can anyone give me a little push?!?!


I yet develop my rolls of films yet, wondering how will it came out.. I love the streets there... those "sub-urban" feel... I also like the old rail way station...

in plan for a 2nd trip... kekeke~

yup, some delayed post...

my KL trip... the first overseas trip for NYPPC!! four person only.... -_-" haha... Lazy to type out the details for 22nd-26th Dec 06. But no matter what, it was a Funky & Happening trip!! hehe...

I like my Christmas there... partying w/o getting drunk... =D

got a little stomach upset on the 1st night, maybe is due to the roadside food... Guess I was too "clean" to intake those "unclean" food... =X

stayed at Renaissance (New World). Near KL Zouk.
View from the room in the day. Very nice night view but forgoten to take picture.... =X


Lost and Found: A&W (I miz the RootBear!!)


Twin Tower Visit (poor senior got up early to Q for the tix.. =D)


my main highlight for the trip: to "Drunk" the 'Kids' !! =X


juz before we headed home...


for this trip, I got myself a Daddy, a Daughter & a Son!!! omg~ made me sound old nia... lolx. never overspend was one thing, regret never get enough chocolates was the main thing!!! wahaha...

time files... Year has ended & start aNew...

as the day grew nearer, the confusion is greater. there are thoughts that can't be written down; feelings can't be shown. Is like, there is no right or no wrong...

In confusion state....

?????????????????

---

To someone: I am really sorry to hurt you.

heyhey...

last weekend was fAnTastic!

first, I pass my Advance!! =D actt plan to postpode this test since last week, but keep forgeting till is too late to cancel. so no choice to go for it. Mindset was: "go & see how the qns will come out, den re-sit again lo." I was least prepared for it + not-really-intrested in it + no hands-on before. But I pass it!!!! whoohoo...

eveing met up with Uncle Heng for dinner @ 925... he slim down le. I repeat: SLIM DOWN le... =p we went for desert after dinner. omg, it seems years since I back there for desert. order as usual. you know what, the Lasak store moved!! to next-door.. haha... Deduction: had a fight with owner. =X

fact of the day: Ying is not Sister Aries nor Mother Aries. she's forever Xiao Mei Mei... =X hehehe...

later in the night meet Fandi @ YCK to meet up with the rest of the club members @ bugis for the suppose-to-be 'farewell' party for the KL trip go-ers. Is a SheSha outing @ Haji lane (I think so...) I never been to that place at night. Only once in the day for shoot. the environment there seem much better & peaceful then other older
shophouses area (chinatown, india area etc).

Fandi (the only one whom tried Shesha b4..) lead us there. Is Ambrosia. Is quite a cozy place to hang-out. ali-ba-ba type of carpet floor & low lightings.

me, taken w/o my knowing


Me, trying to act cute.. =X see, it was so cozy till I wan to hug the cushion & slp...


ray got himself some "romantic" encounter that we can't stop laughing at. The shesha experience was out of norm. is fun. I think shesha is abit harmful to health (the fact that it is tobacco), but once in a while is ok, I guess. =X DON't get ADDICTED.

we headed off to Esplanade to drink again after sending Ber & her friend off. it was quite windy there. Ray got high after the 1st sip. & after that he was totally OFF. the VIds were on while be gave some nonsense but harmless speeches featuring those 'complicated relationships' we have in the club. LOLx.

we called it a day ard 6 plus in the morning. the hangout was totally fun!!

for me, it was another day start. Headed home to change and out I go again...

Let me see wat I been doing these days...

met up with Jas a few days back. Yup he is finally back!! gain a little weight there (which he claim is gain due to muscle building LOLx)... but ok lar still dashing as ever... haha... got me a necklance... well, abit too girly for me leh... hahaha... drag him to liquid kitchen as planned. not much drinking for him coz he driving, so pool session all the way... gald to hear some gd news.

catching up some old days feels like we are OLD le... tsk tsk tsk... well, true enuf, we are abit "out of the trend" le... LOLx. but seriously, I did miz those fun back then... we should go cheong again someday... whoohoo...

met up with Yun & Xia for dinner the nxt day... Organizer: XIA!! I think SUN going to rise from wrong direction soon... haha... Sakae sushi buffet @ Funan... not bad... I think the varities quite different compared to other branches... the tie-ban-shao also not bad... yum yum yum... tat Xia kept eat n eat only... tsk tsk tsk.. the order list long till the waitress also scared of us.. haiz...

quoted from Xia - "Must make your money worth."

bump into Shijie after dinner. he was working at the Singtel shop... been such a long time nv see him le... enlisting sooooon... in March.... hhaa... wish him luck...

yday not much thing, went back sch for some stuff... bump into someone... haiz... such luck (rotten one) sia.. ZZZZZZZZzzzZzzz...

---

WRONG day today, though is a Friday... guess the intial stepping out at the wrong side of the bed this morning will last me till the end of the day... been out here n there... truly shack... cancelled this eveing dinner. felt so guilty now... but knowing I be down the emo rollar coaster today, so save the person from agony bah... Being grouchy is not a gd accompany... sori bro...

Does anyone had those feeling whereby, there is a ball of energy snowballing, awaiting to unleash out?? omg... I have that now... haha... need some rough actitives to release them...

~~~~ARGH~~~~

Hope next week would be much better....

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I am EXCITED.

after talking to heng yday, I realized there lotsa of stuff that shouldn't be missed.. food of coz' LOLx. A&W, Donkin Donuts, the Rami Burger.. (oh ya, never never asked where is RAMI. Coz' you will get unexpected ans... *awwww* =X)

oh ya, I remember the WONTON meeeee... which street sia... I don't rememeber le... hmmm... muz ask again when time comes...

btw calculated, CHIVAS is cheap ... *opz* but I think I will be the only person to touch it lo... =(

omg... heard that is the so-called GREAT SALE.. jialet... shopping list like abit long sia... hmm... shld I just bring a small bag, then go there buy a big bagpack so to bag all the stuff back.... =X erm....

one last thing, muz BARGAIN!!! sa! sa! sa!!! whoohoo....

QNS of the day:

how come train ride is longer than BUS ride?!?!
will I end up in Thailand?? *giggles*

i'm thrilled.

maybe of the trip...
maybe is railway train (fall in love with it after the close encountered with one)...
maybe is the shopping..
maybe a exploration with camera...
maybe is the food...
maybe is no government (aka bo zen hu)...
maybe is the people...

lots of maybe... but I am juz thrilled.

last weekend was a joyful one... hehe... but till now I only have the ones taken yday at Diana's bday, so I gg to blog abt it... keke... still waiting for the others...

We plan her bday like weeks ago... she is our current club president.... on Friday, we went over to Yun's hse to bake cake... with the help of Yun's mum, we learnt to bake cake (ok, I am a baking cake idiot). I was surprised that JM knew alot abt the cakey stuff... LOLx.

the day finally arrived... we had a lunchie at Hans. Surpposed to have it at Cafe Cartel, but have last min changes.... but the food is till nice...

the birthday gal & her cake... (tks to Yun's Mum's guidance for it...)


the cutting of cake is done at some other place, Millenia Walk. phew~ coz' there are some "cream spreading". LOLx.

the theme for that day suppose to be PINK. but some still 'pai sey' to wear them... haha... erm... that's the pink I wore... and I think toooooooo bright... =X

the pinkies


Bithday gal with VP, JianMin


Bithday gal with Secretary, Yew Lai


well, with senior Ray & Affandi, sure lots of fun... no matter where is the place/outing... so here is one... trying to make somone jealous who is not able to be present yday... *opz*

sweetie...


cake smearing is can't be avoided... Diana simply can't out-run Ray & Fandi.

Poor Diana


there is even round 2... chased & cornered her... bring her back... safe landing in the waters....

erm...


of coz we will have group photos in the end... but Bryan was not in there... he is the photographer mah...

let's Jump!


looks like "ballet" .. haha..


here is one before we go... to end the water sessions...

with Bryan in there of coz'


after finishing wet session at the 'pool', we went over to have another 'pool' session. of coz' I refering to the table pool. We finish off the day with dinner at Marina Sq...

Beautiful Lights...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I indeed have a very very nice day with them... with the club, there is nothing but fun... relaxing and can forget about anything that bothering me. =) hehe...

how will it feels to go overseas on your own?

I can imagine, myself with a big bag-pack + a camera and off I go... anywhere... can be Nepal, can be Africa... can be war-zone areas... any place that my camera worth to be...

be a free bird...

freedom is what I want, I guesss...

a year back, when someone mentioned that "those photographers are stupid. see tusnami is coming still there taking photos." seriously, I was angry about it. What the person taken, is something that we will never see. To me, if a person able to capture that very cucial moment in life, even meet death, is still all worthwhile.

a photojournalist like Kevin Carter? he is a person started off as a sports photographer, ended his life due to depression.

seriously, I admired this guy alot. He covered the things that cannot be seen in norm conditions. To me, photographs are meant to depict a story. Photograhers are doing something whereby, telling the rest of the world what is happening on the other side of the globe. but sometimes no one seems to understand and appreciate...

"Kevin... believed that photographs could help bring attention to Africa, and in turn help cure some of its ills."

BUT I have a strong emotions towards not taking photos of pysically or intelligence disabled people. Why? Because I feel I may be exploiting my subjects. They have their life & privacy. But if I don't take them, how can I bring attentions their mishaps & touching stories? In turn, it might be a new turn around.

Is contriditing right? haha...

hehe... I suddenly think of a person. Mr K.C Wong. He was my math teacher in seconday 2. He left for his photography career at SPH after teaching us for a few months. At that point of time, I keep asking Mr Wong why he want to leave. I like his style of teaching; which is easy to pick up math topics. He end up taught me one phrase, ren ge you zhi. (yea, after I started working, i trully understands it.)

** why such things came to me?? well, is becasue I yet find someone to share the similar thinking as mine. The way I see things, and how come I can have such a strongl feel towards something.

Life is more than just routines & rituals. Experiencing the unexpected moments are what is the main purpose when we make a trip to this mortal life.

Go for trills.

I love to stand there... Cars running pass below you... wind brushes my face.... started to settling into my thoughts....

there are too much things running in my mind....

The rapid level of growth which you've probably been experiencing could suddenly prove too much for you today, dear Aries, and you might need to take a little breather try to grasp what's happening in your life. New friends, new knowledge, and new opportunities have appeared in profusion, but you might still be feeling a bit down all the same, wondering if you can handle it all.

so how true is that.... yes indeed.

BLASTING in the world of MUSIC!!! SWING along with the MELODY … Be INTOXICATED with alcohol.

seriously, I love being drown in the sea of music. go with the flow... sway with the tune... buried in it.................

I hate responsibilities!!! when it came from all directions, I can't do anything... Know a call is just away... but never use it.... Anwsers is what I just need. HELL, what is going on for me!! where is the Aries that used to be?? wt..... there is alot alot I wan to do. there is alot I wan to say. there are things I wan to shout. keeping quiet is not my style...

I WAN TO CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so we took that cab back to NYP. took the keys from Diana for the studio & club room.

It been a year at least I think since I go back club room. They changed the room and share with Geo Council!! kaoz... I don't like them since back then.... #$%@#$%%## Me & Aaron plan to go club room to put our bag first. oh GOSH!!! the room is in a terrible mess.... waw piang... by the GEO COUNCIL lo....

"#%%^$^%#^%$&*%%^&amp;amp;*%$^&%%$#$^&%$#$%%^"

They thought the room is theirs only huh?!?! kaoz....

Fed up with it man. But I need to change and get some food first. kay, went to the canteen downstairs for food.... Simin called in. Meet us there after her driving. Ray reached after awhile.

after meal, CLEANING time!!! I was really in the fedup mood.... those don't belong to us, throw back to the other side of the room... HELL man... kaoz... so many things not ours how come is on our table. What the.... there is one stupid thing I realized. 2 clubs share 1 cupboard. STUPID rite????

after cleaning, just before leaving for the studio, Ray drew something:


an international hand sign for the beloved Geo Club. LOLx

a picture worth more than a thousand words. indeed. words are added in by our beloved Simin. "how much crap to take to clean up the hellish area!!!" whoohoo... hahaha....

okay, back to studio for some clean up also. Not really clean up lar, just some packing. haha... we put the room under utilzed. Model shoots!!! haha... super no standard.... *opz* lolx.

Shoot in Action!

"San Ba" -__-'||

my little cute Publicity, Simin

just dun understand why Ray & Aaron can't have a nice pose or something.. haha...

a grp pic before we headed to the notice board...

we went over our notice board to hang "under constuction". Yup, we made some havoc there too... cant stop laughing. We attracted couple of stares when we were there. not sure is due to our noise or our board. well, that is the main purpose of the notice board right? to ATTRACT!!

Publications @ Work!


Don't know what is Ray up to....


OMG!!! tsk tsk tsk... lolx


he is the ONE!!


here is our MASTERPIECE!


seriously, I don't know what will happen when the higher authority saw that. haha... we really leave the thing there as it is.....

I really love this bunch of people....

today is such an advantureous day... lolx.

It started off with breakfast with Aaron at Hougang Mac. oh man, ever since grad from NYP, I never been at Mac for breakfast... (been such a pig ... @.@) keke... Off we go, to MacRitchie.

Treetop Walk suppose to be the main purpose of the trip. Guess what? CLOSED on MONDAY. No harvest for yesterday? nah... sure have. I finally know the exact location of the tomb that I been reading about it. But this found is accidentally. The route taken is not the one taken during sec sch days cross country.

Walk and Walk. Walk & Walk. still WAAAALLLKKKing.... We came to a part where the golf course is. Seriously I don't know this area can be so beautiful. To me, the mild haze created a coldness fog-like area that we see in movies. (Like those Scottland huge Lakes) ...

Walk continues. We came to the Jelutong tower. I think that is the only structure we saw other then TREESs!!

jUleTonG towER!! heRe we aRE!!

The view is not bad... except for the mild haze.

At the top of this tower, I want to say, "I AM SERIOUSLY LOST!!" I duno where to go. which path to get out of this place....!! OMG... haiz... we continued the path that surpose to lead us to the Tree Top Walk. We came to a cross-road. Guess what it says??? "Landslide. Path Closed." *faintz* took a U-turn back to the Juletong Tower.

I think, we are brave enough not to take the route back (all the way back to the start....!!), but the other road that lead to "not sure where about". It came to a road block that says "Private Property. Keep Out." hell, I am lost liao, u think will I guai gaui U-Turn?!?!?! lolx.

yup, we cross over the barrier and headed along the praved road. I super-heck-care le.. I shouted across the field to those cabbies that is walking with the golf bags.

"Uncles, how to go out????"

"All the way", came the answers.

"Thank you!!!!"

ok, walk again. you know what came into my mind?? "So how far is this way out??!?!" haha....


paved roads!!!!


paved roads is far better than those muddy path that not sure will lead us to....

yup, we finally found the place out.. I don't know which part of Singapore we ended up at. haha.. Lucky a cab came into the country club to drop passenger, else we don't know how far we going to walk till we hit any bus-stops.

the first thing I said to the taxi driver, "Uncle, please lead me to civilization." wahaha...

yup, we in the end took this cab to NYP to meet Ray!

so the total distance covered was?? 8Km? 10Km? God knows...

hey ya!! little bloggy... *archooo* *red red nose*

now I finally understand or should says FEEL "what is the little Angel & Devil fighting over internally"...

So there will be one Sweet Little Angel telling me NOT to do it, while the HOT FUNKY Little Devil tells me to GO ahead... lolx... seriously, I find the devil's idea interesting, don't mind trying it out. the result I dun mind seeing it... I got more and more interested as days goes by... it came unfold in my mind...

Initially, i was just quite vexed about it. I think is the issues that is happening around me, casued me to think about it.... kay, maybe mind running too fast also... *Spins like a top*

But in the end the little Angel still wins. Don't ask me why. That Funky Devil useless weak lar... bo bian...

So what is that idea then? LOLX. *won't let you know what is that idea*

Been quite awhile not here to drop an entry... today here am I... haha...

last weekend not too bad... very fulfilling....

Friday eveing went Chomp Chomp for dinner with Senior Fanndi & Ray, Aaron & Diana. With 5 person, we had 1 plate of fried carrot cake, 20 sticks of satay, 1 plate of sotong, 1 bowl of prawn mee, 3 plates of "hao jian"&& 2 plates of sting ray!! of coz' we did ordered the huge glasses of sugar cane juices... but me had Lime juice instead.

forget to take a picture of our mini FEAST... tsk!

after which we headed to Liquid Kitchen for some CHILL out session...

cOsy liTTle aREa....

yup, finally I am at Liquid Kitchen after Heng been talking n talking about it.... haha... Not too bad a place to chill out... I bet the guys will agree with me, coz' they had a great time bio-ing char bo... opz... LOLx. the drinks ok ok lar (maybe ordered wrong lar), but the potato wedges GOOOOOOOOD sia.... the night ended back at AMK S11 coffee shop with Ray having prata for supper!!! haha...

Saturday started out early for me.... have to fetch Zhong from school and went for HP at Nancy hse. Heng was the MC for that event.. His 2nd time!! getting better & better!! Kudos!!! Night time we had BBQ downstairs of Nancy's hse... it been a long time I been to a BBQ without me having to prepare the food & there BBQ them... haha...

after that Doris & I headed down to Cinelesiure for Kbox. Blur me headed to the 8th floor de... is like more Ex then the rest leh... nearly $30!!!! for 3 hrs only lo!!!! *@$@#%#%#* haha... I remember I went to the 4th floor de not so expensive... Isn't Kbox all the same????!!! anyway, had a great VOICE-ing out... LOLx.

Sunday is best for me.... SLEEPing for 16.5 hours straight... don't ask me why... Just feel like sleeping lo... End up waking up with a head spin... *idiotic* At night just could not fall asleep... Serve me right? yea.. I think so... haha... so pack room lo... But in the end read book again.... =X

"A journey to remember" a simple but very sweet love story...

thats all for my weekend... Looking forward to another weekend FUN!!

I wished to give this entry to this someone.

May not know or feel the exact feelings you encountered nor my English and Vocab is suffifcient to express my thoughts, but I hope my support does help.

Supporting you is the thing I will do, like what you did when I needed that thoughout the years. I may be able to do alots of stuff, but believed me, I will be just right beside when you need me to. (I can be very very noisey if you need me to... keke... )

This is what you told me before "Every cloud will have its own silver lining." The dark cloud will float off.... Sun be out again...

I just know that you will make it to the destination that you have set. You can do it!!

Cheers!!

人生仿佛像一棵树。

得经历许多事。而这便像树经历春夏秋冬，每件事都会有开心与不开心。

每一段感情似乎从秋开始。这就慢慢地发展，进入春。当然，每个人都希望自己永远留在春天。但，当感情到了低层，你的心情将像一棵正在过夏或冬的树。这棵树便需要时间再度地长雅。身边的人只可以等待， 希望那棵树回到当初的那棵迷人，美丽的树。

我会是你身边的人，不过，我还会跟你浇花施肥，把你变回我心中的那可爱的你。

from my dearest... put in time n effort to write.

tks. I am really touched. *hugz*

it is just so funny. the result is what can be expected. an issue that need to be solve & end. Now the it has come to the end of the story, I should be relieved. But I was not.

Never actually go and find out the whole story. yes, I am just escaping it. Basically, I am too tired to handle this stuff. or should call me a coward. I dare not know the complete picture.

seriously, I am still down. Been forcing myself not to think of it le, is hard. Tears just flow down but no sound can be heard, it hurts. Can I just break down and cry? I just want to cry aloud.

Risa said, "I may not know what happen to you. Who don't have emotions? yes, is ok to to take time to pick yourself up. but don't take too long, coz' by the time you have pick yourself up, you will realized how much time you have wasted. By then, you regret it will be too late."

all this, I know.

but the painful feeling just still lingers around.

Caught a paragraph in F.I.R song:

我不要求什么
我只想不被打扰
把爱留在街角
就当你永远不会看到
记忆化作 极光出现那一秒
我开始微笑 以后会努力过得 很好

Down the emo rollar coaster again. tiz is don't know how many times within 2 mths le. Seems like each week there is somthing new to bother me.

A few days ago, felt & realised that I have started to pick myself up; move on; know where I am heading. Feel the confidence in myself again. Started to love the new me.

Today, fall hard again. no, it started yesterday. I did expected that to happen, just that keep ignoring what the instinct told me. yun just bingo it and put it in words. I don't know I can be / still be so affected. so much. Twice as much as the first time. Don't know why. I hate the feeling of no here or there. I really kind of lost. Completely.

yup, just now at office been trying hard to do my best out of it, but in the end I gave up. fAILED. yup, someone has win by me failing.

ya, was knocked some sense in then. yet digested. How I wish I can just pack and go. Leave everything here.

Blames;
myself for taking notice of him since day 1.
myself for taking the step of knocking at the person's door; trying my luck to open up the person.
myself for mixing up my role to the person.
myself of being involved in someone else's issue.
myself being foolishly giving excuses to myself time after time.
myself for failing to see the clearer picture time after time.
myself for letting words of advice falling on deaf ears.
myself of mixing up the piorities.

myself for being so emotionally invloved.

hating the person is not an option, or it is?

I am tired. How I wish someone can help me clear up this mess that I had created. BUT there is nothing / noone to help to untie the knot but myself. Sometimes I just wish to have an exact ans, so I can blindly follow what to do.

I learnt;
Too emotional, too foolish, plain stupid.

yup, thanks Xia for helping me did something that I can't bring myself to do it. n LB people. yun.
i am just so weak~ wish to pen down more here but mind KO le.

never look back again~ a "D" person solution

when I wish to help, but was kena shut out.

Is like a one way road. Throw the ball over, but no one bother to pick it up and throw back. It's tiring.

I wished I could do more, or say more, but can't.

There is nothing else I can do le.

yup, will keep myself busy for thiz mth le... cbb le... piority changes....

haha... Being on the road with the cool wind smacking in your face is shoik! soooooo happy~~~~~ haha...

well, this past week or 2 I should say, I "hit" the bottom. Even someone said how come I so fast hit it. haha... I went to a point that I start to dislike myself being so emotional. (so is this my strength or weakness then?) When things dump in, I just catch; without knowing the ability of catching all. So in the end I drop all the "parcels".

but yesterday bought me back to feet again, it was the real HIGHlights of the week. The energy was so great. We, not only me, got very very high. The spirit of the team is there. The power is moving & spreading fast among us.

This terrific momentum had just set me moving again.

I caught something last night: "Qi Qi Fu Fu Ren Shen Cai Shi Jing Cai."

I have started to fall in love with it...

Everyone possesses these different facets, regardless of age, gender, race or nationality.

Sometimes we are like Slick,
who abandoned his friend and befriended his friend's enemy.

Or we may be like Scamper,
who never asked who moved his cheese.

Or like Spider,
who transformed herself into an enticing piece of cheese.

Or like Weave,
who persisted in thinking about the relationship between cheese & happiness.

Or like Waver,
who vacillated between the cheese of desires and the cheese of ethics.

Or like Whisper,
who is always scheming to move someone else's cheese.

I just finished reading this book "Whose Cheese Can I Move?" by Chen Tong for the 2nd time. Is a book that I had happened to browse thu the shelves. The cheese can be anything; can represent desires/thoughts/ideas etc in each person. Above are the charteristic of people that the book clasified them into. All the charaters, I met before in my life till now; but the question is I don't really know where I fall into. Waver or Weaver?? hmm....

There is no right or wrong being which type of people.

There is a statement I liked in this book:

'What is life? A maze. What is sucess? To possess your own cheese. What is happiness? To build your life with your own cheese.'

Another statment to think about it:

'Cheese can be friendship, love wealth, power, status, health etc; but it cannot be all these at once. When the cheese give you love, it cannot also give you power. ... When you are pursuing love, you may have to sacrifice money.'

Is a book worth reading. Set the mind thinking... =) Planning to get anther book to read: Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson

**Books, Books, Books... Am I a lover of books? erm... no... but I love library!! hahaha.... **

...
Some friends bring out the very best in you. Other friends consistently leave you feeling like you've been run over by an SUV. Hmm -- maybe it's time to reconsider the relationships that fall in the latter category.
....

Ya, there are some who caused me to feel that I been run over by an SUV. Thoughout the years, there are some. Like what i learnt: People do alight your train at some stations, don't expect them to be with you till the end of your journey. Why do I still hold on to the naive thoughts of "Friends do come & stays"? WHY CAN'T JUST EVERYONE STAYS!?!?!

It is saddening to finally see the actual picture which all along I am escaping. "All are your friends, you remember them today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow; but how many of them you can remember years down the road?" "When you are in trouble, would you call them?" this truth indeed stunned me.

Yup, I admit that there are people that I failed to catch hold to, and let them walk off without saying goodbye.

No worries, I not feeling down. Just some thoughts running since yday. Life is still good when we look ahead. Cheers to Life!! BOO~~ to the humps on the road of Life!!

---

Don't try to escape from your feelings, nurture them. You will find that deep down you know which way to go. All you need to do is just have faith in yourself and whatever road you decide to take.

Most of the things are there le. but most probably, is the faith I lack of. Sometimes also have to see the place, the time and the person le. Leaving it to fate I guess is the thing for me to do now~ It need 2 hands to clap. In harmony.

有事可做， 有人可爱， 还有梦想可期待。

you shi ke zuo, you ren ke ai, hai you meng xiang ke qi dai.

It means; there is something for you to do, there is someone there for you to love, and there is a dream awaits you.

This is what I registered in mind from Duke Chui.

The fact that the life is short. Is there a thing we are really seriously doing now, or we are just do it to pass time day after day? Is there someone no matter is our family, friends or our the other half, do we really put our heart in to love them? Right now in our life do we have a dream to crave for or work towards? Or we just follow what the life give us?

So this is what I poundering these three days... I don't really able to answer all the above questions, I think I have to find the answers myself. This is what I owe to myself. =)

well, when things goes none here or there, it will do no good but to just disrupt things... when the decision is left to no one but me, I have to do it, isnt it? Can't be there waiting, rite? Yup... Realised that sometimes issues will only get clearer when "things" happen. Though sometimes it might get abit disappointing. yup, no doubt it hit me. Guess now is the perfectly correct time to do that. Things are just nice some how. No point to find more reasons, or should say 'excuses' le... it is juz get meaningless...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well, new energy is needed!! That is what I have!!! Fire is burning!! hehe... =) whoohoo.... Go go go!!

work hard must also play hard... tat is my philosophy... New one, coming up soon... trying to refine it further... haha.... tiz week will be a great week!!!

hey hey... actually I was super duper nervous when I was told to meet Uncle James. There STUN. haha...

so thu' out the nite preparing myself to meet him le, but was cancelled in the last min. so sad... prepared le like wasted. but get to know why need to meet him le so roughly now know what is going on le, shld be more relax le....

So who is Uncle James?? I am not going to tell you.... wahaha...

---

well, I am getting excited to where I am going le... keke... Life is GREAT!!

Luv ya!! kekeke....

Suddenly I plunged into a period of sadness.

I found something that is so old that is long ago. Kept tightly in an old diary. drop out due to clearing of stuff. I thought of someone who was so close to me. yet I lost him to fate/Lord. I missed him. No Doubt. Memories flood back. A person that was my direction, a person that teaches me lots of things. he was like a big brother to me. A person that can look for. About 5 years has pass. Why suddenly he came back to my mind? Why let me find it again? Don't know who understand this feeling. Suddenly a person that has exited ur life; came back in your mind but you have to realise the truth that he not be able to be back. How I wished he is still around with me as I grow older....

NOW: Stupid block nose been bothering me these days... tsk!

BUT:
I have lotsa and lotsa of energy in me now!!! Is like the energy keep inflated into me but seems cant find any channel to release anywhere... so hyperactive these days... haha.. my mentally is running so fast n faster that physically seems cant take it le. Hahaha... Is so nice to have something to work towards to, chase after for it. Is my Dream!!! Is out there for me to pursue.

Gotna a msg from my CC tiz morning. My CC is leaving for China next month. So going to meet up for dinner! yeah! hahaz.. well, she is leaving for good; or perhaps a fews years... she gave lotsa of guidance thoughout my 3 years in poly. She is juz a fun and loving mentor! Can rememeber even what she said when we first met at the orientation before sch term year 1 starts. Time just flew pass soooo fast!!! =) Wish her all the best den!

Meanwhile, there are some other things for me to look forward to. NYPPC trip to KS house & NYPPC BBQ (if any) & my spa session with min again... haha...

tiz is what I called Life! Colors! Is what I am looking for....!!!

This is what I got today:

The erratic emotions that you have been experiencing over the past couple of days should ease at this time, dear Aries. You will find that you are much more able to deal with situations that come your way and that you are more flexible and easygoing overall. Regardless of the unexpected twists and turns that pop up in the road in front of you, you have your pedal to the metal. You are strong and confident in your approach to everything. Do not doubt yourself for a second.

Haha... today something got abit out of hand. But I guess I can settle it. hmm... seems like the horoscope is quite accurate hor~!~~! haha... Don't ever doubt yourself! Right?! yesh!!!

well, Ride the Wave! the TITAL wave!!! whoo hoo!!!

here I come!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Yun!!!!!!!!!!! =)

Gotten 2 blows.

Did I do any wrong, and am I too believed in myself? I always believed that self-belief is the best thing to give yourself. Everyone may doubt you, but you mustn't doubt yourself. Else you fall hard. but now I started to doubt myself.

no doubt, I am abit sad about it.

~~~~

hope tiz Sun trip to Malaysia is a gd one. Hopefully can unwind myself abit.

why am I here now??? coz' I failed to do the things I need to do... I am guilty too. Felt that the expectations are all there, but failed to perform.

I am sorry....

How wonderful it is to have some perspective, dear Aries. After constantly asking yourself what direction your life is going, doesn't it feel great to finally feel as if you know? How very wise you are! Yet all this recent wisdom is exhausting. You feel as though you've made a long trip up to the mountaintop to speak with the learned wise person at the top. Now that you're back down in civilization, it's time to find a soft bed and relax for a bit.


So this is somehow true.... freaking isn't it?? lolx.

hey ya...

yday was a great day... though it started rather late in the day, it was fruitful. It ended with a nice dinner too!! keke~

Afternoon session is great, from the presentation to the talk with Risa, it is a self-assurance to me. Been a long time ever since I had those claps & Hi-5s. It boost my confidence level!! really... well, I am a person whom need those "assurance" from time to time FREAK. keke... & we could do better for those Hi-5s!! kekeke~~

I am loving every part of it!! woohoo!!! Thanks heng!!!

btw, that 2 clips still give me creeps... =( lucky no nightmares last nite.... btw, could it be a dwarf? ....

Nearly had to end the day with dinner alone... Thought could join the club for dinner after their outing, but sad to say it ended too early, and everyone went home for dinner. -_-'' lucky got Aaron, else going to have DVD/TV to accompany me for dinner sia... haha...

Forget to dabao the hao jian for Dad... tsk tsk tsk... but anyway, he got classy dinner lo~ no need my roadside supper... lol

well, yesterday is a good day. and everyday will be from now on....!! whoo hoo!!! wahahaha.....

Dinner time!! =)

today had a rough day... things stacked up due to the exhibition this week... preparation of pricelist, catalogue, labelling blah blah blah.... and things are not running smoothly for me at all... Kind of fed-up with China suppliers side... Seems like no one dare to take the responsibility of any task.. just don't understand why the rest cant see I am still busy with the on hands, still chasing me for it... push to me? den you wait till I finish my on hand first lo~... that is my attitude....

so this is working life huh?? haha... yea, is true...

I am still able to take it lar... juz nagging ard lo~ Kind of monotonous, but will hang onz....

Now I want a cup of ice cream !! anyone?? haha...

Something makes me so happy... I finally able to see a someone that had the same passion, love for it. Will shed tears, blood for it. This person that shared the same feelings, thoughts & views. My feeling is something like (close to it) a mother who saw her child scored A in the exams after so many failures. I don't really know how to put my feelings into exact words....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People around me seems to grow up... they change for the better. open to ideas. open the door.... sometimes I wonder is it me who stop growing... Say truthfully, I don't want to grow up. I want to be Peter Pan!! Forever young...

ME getting emotional again? coz' some complicated issue pop up again... sian... is damn confusing.... zzzzzzzzz..................

Confusing rite? Yup, is complicated.

How far would you go to believe what you been actually been believe? Is super acturate till you are stun, scared, fear of it? yea~ I am now!!

but is time to ROCK 'n' Roll!!!

hik hak!!!

I am tired.

Of what? hard to describe.

Mentally... tired... trying to take up all the pieces that landed on me...

am I strong enough to handle them? I am not sure at all....

Giving up - I afraid is soon to happen.

Crying is no longer an option at all. Time to supress all emotions. keep them away from sight.

who knows? Realization of facts are disappointments. The higher you go, the harder your fall.

when simple requests are failed to fulfill; what else more you can expect?

to me, just simple things will do. simple things that makes me happy. really. a simple gathering. a simple talk. a simple message. a simple call.

a simple friend.

it can light up my day.

simple as that...

a month has past I guess... so today is finally here...

last year, 28th May 2005 what I did was over. Today what I did is also soon over. what is important is what will I be or what matters is next year 28 May 2007. Is a Monday then... thats the time frame...

what I did is "po chu qu le"....

"so when will I exit the small circle and enters the large one??"

well, there is another thing summaries today: Is Ho Yuan's problem, not our problem!!! wahaha~~ yah, I hate him....

When agreeing to things that initially & deep down in the heart that says NO, things will go horribly wrong. Sometimes is not I don’t want to help, is more of the schedule and the ability and the interest perhaps. Mostly, is the sincerity that counts.

Like what Heng always says' "touched your heart & asked yourself" - to me is the conscience.

I can sensed that this person is “up to no good”. In the sense that I am still useful. But why I still say yes in the first place? Caused of a long story. So I got into this kind of “trouble”. Is nothing much of a big issue, is just some "PR problems". but it had made me so ARGH~~~

So I can only hope it can be settle soon, and I move on.

I hate Bounced Cheques. Empty talks. Talk BIG. Yup, felt that I am being “make used”, can’t help feeling that. Not once, not twice but many times.

And so this person has gone missing again these days for weeks. This person will appear again somehow I guess in the near future. my gut feelings says soon....

well, will see how the issue goes by.

Should learn. NO means NO.

Simple things that wont fail to make me smile...

It had been more than a week since that Thur. Remarkably, this new lady I met, her words did make me think.

Surprisingly on monday, Monotonous stuck me hard. I suddenly posed a qns to myself. What do I live for? For who? For what? This qns came from nowhere but my inner self.

But I feared. Fear to explore the truth of my life, myself. My inner voice.

Senior did mentioned that he felt that he achieved nothing until now. He was lost. I see myself in him.

So what I was awarded Colors Award before?! that was donkey years ago. So what I got As in my subjects? It doesnt apply to my everyday life. So what I was once the Vice President of the club?! Is just a title. So what? is there anything else I achieved till now?? Nothing!! A Big fat ZERO. Don't you think so? Yup, A Big FAT ZERO.

I got too many qns with no ans came to me.

I envy those who had the will to fight in them. There is somthing they live for. Somthing that gone missing in me. I wanted to find a thing that I can live for. A passion that burns. or A battle companion perhaps. A person that walk the same path & fight along with me.

but Ken told me he is a person that fight on his own. Alone. He stated his reasons, and I see his point of view too.

I know myself, if I want to, I can fight till I reach what I wanted. In sec 2, I wanted to get into 2nd class coz' they offered Design & Tech. I love that subject alot. I cheong hard every day to get into that class. I am able to do that. Remember in sec days, wagered with James on exams results. I study hard just to beat him.

so, I can do it, if I want to. If I want to.

I used to tell my previous club president, "If that *A*** is going to give us trouble again, the most we will fall out. Make the issue big enough. If she finds fault with the club due to it, worse I quit." To me, is like po chu qiu le. Just do it. Heck care whether she likes it or not, I don't care. Just approve what I want. Anyway, I just hate her. In the end, I graduated with peace. No aruguements. I able to bring my point across when I forsake the load/responisbility that was on me.

To me, sometimes is the reponsibility that is weighing down on me that I have no choice but to walk the path that is smooth, secure.

Right now, I want to find a reason for me to fight on, to fight hard for. I don't want live to fight for a person. coz' I know when the person is gone, you lose the pillar of support. I don't want to be any other external matter for me to fight on. Is the inner self voice I want to find.

yah, this entry may be very confusing. coz' my mind is right now that.

so what is the wrong with me? any person can can pin-point that out?

on the journey to find the fire starter. wish me luck bah~

hey ya, just got the pictures back... I luv the pictures alot... Raymond captures sences that I am not able to see. I realised 1 thing, this garthering is sort of a meet up with each other for different sides of my family which consist of 3 generations. hahaha~~

After viewing all the photos, there is another thing I forgot that day... WHere is My Photographer Raymond?!?!?!

Below are some of the pics I like....

Vyvie's Daughter

So sweet...

Gor's Niece

AR~~~ waw, mouth so big?!?! lol.


one is cute; the other is Me ACT CUTE! haha...

Xiang Xiang & Xia Xia

wondering what thing was burnt?! keke~~


Xia seldom will qing zhi dong shou cook, do you think so?? keke~~


the OCH Exploring Team!! Except me...


Don't you think, my cake looks like a Wedding Cake in front of them??!!? LOLx.

NYPPC!!



haha... to view the rest Click here ! Happy Viewing!

I believed I am a person traveling on a journey. Destination yet know.

There are people I met at crossroads. They may ask for directions, I will try my very best to assist. I will invite them to join me on my journey too. But is up to them. We may just later parted at this junction. Some may tag along with me. I am happy to have companions along the way. But maybe at this junction, I choose another destination to travel as someone change my way of thinking.

Later on the journey, I may hit a junction where I don’t know which way to choose. I may stand there and wait for assistance if any. Else I would venture out myself. During this waiting, some of my companions may leave. Why? Caused they have found another companion of their own. They set off togtheher because their destination is similar. I can’t simply tag along with them for the reason I need a companion. Is that my destination, I need to ask myself.

For those companions that left, I just hope that I can meet them again at the other crossroads and even better if could set off together again.

yday I should have go for a garthering. But I forgot that I have arranged to meet someone else before-hand, only got reminded by him later in the day. So finally I went to meet him. After postponed for a week. Was wanted to meet on Mon eveing, but I was just too tired. So drag till yday.

All along I just don't feel like meeting him at all. Even the whole of yday afternoon, I was so grouchy coz' of meeting him. Felt bek-cek, coz' I sometimes I can't stand him at all. But at least, he is conisdered a friend of mine.

He broke a terrible news to me. I was stunned. I am lost for words. Duno what to say to him. Guess what, I still questioned myself is he telling the truth or not. See? I am just so inhuman to think of such question at that moment of time.

Imagined what he had been going thu' for the whole week & he was asking for a aid and I dragging till so late then meet him. Delayed in meeting him makes me very guilty now. I can't help him at all. I was thinking the whole night about it. Questions came in, with no answers to it. I felt I was really too inhuman to question myself wheather the whole issue is the truth or not. But I can't help it.

I don't know who understand the feelings I had. I am abit messy now... yet sort out anything.... Felt STupid... Felt I changed, to a more curel person. AM I? AM I NOT???? Can someone tell me??? I am lost. who am I as a person???? argh~~~~~~~ I really don't want to face it again.

hey Kai,

I supposed you did drop by here before... How I know that you might asked. haha... Coz you accidentally give urself away in the call!! heehee...

Thanks for the call tat day. I appreciate that alot.

Take gd care of urself, perhaps take care of Jason too! Don't let him influence you wor~ =X haha... Guess someone gg to beat me le!! lolx. bEst wISheS fOr ur' sTuDieS... JiA yOu!!!

---

Jas!! Surprise tat you remembered it!! hah... Thanks for that. Take care & Study Hard.... Don't play too much... =X you know what I mean........... wahaha....

K.I.T

hey ya, I am back... as an age 21 person!! haha...

I am very grateful to lots n lotsa people for the last 2 days. They made it possible & made it memorable.

My Saturday started at 10.30am in the morning when I need to do my last round of shopping. Jinfu gor came over early in the morning with biao sao to collect some items like ice boxes blah blah blah for me coz Dad's car is too pack!!

Xia n Xiang came over later to help too - for pumping up all the balloons at the chalet... Silly me forget to check the airpump fits the opening of the balloon. End up 1 person have to hold on tight on the balloon while the other pump in the air... We had some funny pics taken too!! haha...

Thanks for the great help gals...

For the chalet, thanks to Uncle Eric & Daren to book for me, else everything is not possible. Uncle & Dayi came over to help too. They got a little busy with setting up while I went around with my camera to do some snap-shots. hehe...

Yun called earlier when we were waiting to check-in. I was so happy about it!! Thanks ger~ hope u have a great holis there!!

Suprised to receive a call all the way from NY! Jas & Kai!! wow.. =)

Yew Lai, Jianmin, Bryan & Aaron arrived ard 6. They were super "on-the-dot". *thumbs-up* Soon after that, my guests started to arrive.

That was the time I got a little busy... Walking in; Walking out... Up the stairs; down the stairs...

Gor invited his friend Raymond over to take the pictures for the night. How are the pictures, I yet to see. Have to wait for the CD. haiz... so anxious to see them!!

NYPPC members went to OCH later in the night. I want to go too!! I even bring my camera along lo~ But I cant leave my guests there while I disappear, Right?? haiz...

Ah Ray & Fanddi initially said want to stay overnight... but... -__-" so left 2 gals stay over only. One is Simin; the other is Diana, our new NYPPC president. Even our VP also not ONz to stay... haha... but is as expected lar... hehe...

Yeow Hwa n some nearly got lost. haha.. Abit of communication break-downs.. But luckily they arrived just in time...

I also considered lucky that Dui-Gong is able to make it back in time to Singapore. I always had a hard time meeting him coz his schedule is always packed.

The rest of the night went on quite smoothly... with help from Dad, Mum & the rest. Thanks people..!!

Last but not least, I finally went for a spin on Gor's bike late that night!! WOOHOOO~~~

Uncle Vincent managed pop over on Sunday eveing as he is back from KL den... so we had a 2nd round of eating... wahaha...

So that was a brief record of my days... for my remembrance. For me the low memory person...

---

~Penny for Thoughts~

I am really happy for the last 3 days.... I appreciate the help & the accompanies of all my guests for my birthday.

Sad was the time is rather short. Can't really sit down n have a chat with everyone. Like Baoyi, I super long time never see her le... so happy that she came over. I regretted that I don't have enough time to have a long nice chat with her.

The rest too. Like 0208, I just managed to chat for a few moments. For club people, I hope that they enjoyed themselves with Fanndi n some to crack jokes to brighten up the night.

Thankful for the presents, & really touched for the blessings that came with it. I was lost for words....

Last of all, I am lucky to hold on, Right Heng??? keke... Sorry for my grouchy-ness for the past 2 weeks... I make up for Thur too...

Shacked now liao.... But Happy!!! Cheers!!

Hey ger ger!!

I have just received it!! tks!! *MUackZ*

*Lots of Luvs & Hugs* Fr Ying!

yday was a day where all of us get together... nothing joyous, but it was a day where most of us have to be present...

it was granny death ani... it was a day after my chinese bday... tat y I can never celebrates it... cant eat mee sua...

Looking back, all of us has grown up... at different aspect of life where each of us are busy with stuff n stuff... to say truthfully, sometimes is only come to really sad stuff, people will then get together...

Although the time together is rather short... somehow we can catch up with each other... The feeling initially is rather funny ... coz is juz tat we too long never see each other... we need to "warm up"... haha~~ though we are no longer "young", no longer run around play catching, play "police & thief"; sitting there eat n talk n watch VCD is considered enjoyable. at least for me.

Suddenly I am so afraid that I will lose such a bonding such a warmth one day...

Damn sian now~! awWw....

these fews nights not having gd nite sleep... Insomnia??!! I don't know... Is either sleep the whole night with dreams running in the mind & waking up in the morning feeling very tired else is waking up couple of times in the night... what happen???

I miz my Vampire Lifestyle!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I hate sun, but sometimes I do love sun too. so this is how complicated I will be...

What an nonsense entry I have now... I am just pissed OFF today! zzzzzzzZzzzZ.....

Yah abit Grouchy too....

---

now I finally understand what Gor means that time... how he felt 2 years ago... I felt EXACTLY the same!! haiz... see lar.. "bu-ting-lao-ren-yan, chi-kui-zai-yan-qian". so what is the issue? I won't state it here coz' is kind of Highly Confidential! =X is just that I got that awlful mixed feelings in me, that caused me not sure what I can do with it. I don't like to do things that I don't like, but the "environment" forced me to. Like what they said "this is how things normally goes...."

Damn confused....

Juz a confused & complex gal...

Yday went to the IT show @ Suntec... waw is really "mountain people mountain sea"!!

haiz... should meet at 3pm but that YH book out late... zzzzzZZZzzz... so went to do some window shopping first at Raffles City. well, I most of the time will end up in bookstores when I do window shopping. Nevertheless, this time too. Got into MPH, wanted to browse the book "Memoirs of the Geisha", but could not find the book... end up reading other stuff.... zzzZZzz...

finally the guys reached... followed Eugene to shop for some shirts at Polo Jeans first before going to Suntec. the Crowd?? tsk tsk tsk... the human traffic towards Suntec is real SLOW... When at the exhibition hall, is SUPER DUPER crowded... all come for the big SALES!?!?! haha... me too! LOLx.

We moved from booth to booth. Brands after Brands. of coz' we never go home empty handed. Bought what I needed. So here is the shopping list of the day:

ME: Samsung External Hard-disk & a Canon Printer
YH: Creative Wireless Mouse, Mp3 Player & Speakers
Eugene: Creative Wireless Mouse + Polo Jeans Tee

Meet Meiyi & Wei Qiang for dinner ard 8.30pm @ Thai Express... the food is not bad sia... yum yum yum~ wanted go for the "Big Mama House 2" but the seats were not good... haizz....

shortly after dinner, went to fetch my mum from my bro's concert. And we went for supper!! that is a 2nd round for me!! Dad drove to some "wu-lu" place for Dim Sum. I think is the first time I eat dim-sum under the moon at the alley behind the shop... So FOLK feeling. haha~ The opening hours is rather cute: 5pm to 11am. The food served there is rather nice too... Pricing wise is still okie. I luv the Carrot Cake there! is nice!!!!

so, right now got another place for midnight supper le! haha....

so at the end of the day... "OMG, is just starting of the month!! -_-" I have to start eating bread le~ aWww~~ "

This morning when I checked my mail, a friend sends me this. I think it is worth reading thus' it is here at my blog. Some lessons you may heard it before somewhere, but is whether those stories were digested in us.


First Important Lesson – Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached...

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.

Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies...

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

Fourth Important Lesson - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse laying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Time now: 9.50pm; Tue night.

What am I doing here at this moment? Shouldn't I be preparing to sleeep?

I have already took a nap & awake now feeling refresh. Bored!! Don't feel like doing some read-ups. Seems that I can't find any people to "disturb". I missed alot of people... alot. No people to go Ponggol End to enjoy sea breeze. No people for "Heng's fav: "la-teh". No mid-nite chat... no no no!!

I also missed my Vampire Lifestyle: Day become Night; Night become Day. is so shiok! seems now I can't afford to do that anymore.haiz~

Been so busy for the past 2 weeks. Work pile on top of each other; no time for short breaks.... Damn tired. zzzzzZZzz.....

Last night, watched Channel U's Campus Superstar. A youth show that makes me feel so OLD! haha~ I like those atmosphere. Is like those times where we sing songs in the big group during national day, that was those NSS days (anyone remember???). Else is like that time during Energy concert... those yellings & shoutings!! Luv it!! yah, I can be such a crazy gal!! haha~

these days only looking forward to weekends fun, if any. Else sleep thoughout the weekend bah~~~

What a boring life, right? I also think so....

today I did something that not sure correct or not. I followed my heart to tell this someone what I felt all this while. I just need to let my feelings known.

I not sure did I hurt/angried this someone in anyway. Neither I am sure that am I too rushed today. I just need an answer that allow me to give up/ continue. No more assumptions should be made on my side. Yes or No is what I need & You just gave me what I needed.

not sure what you be doing... neither sure will I lose a friend in the end.. but I still the friend I am always be.

in the end, I not sure will this someone be here to read this post.

like a few weeks never blog le~ busy?!? yah, but is only during office hours... is busy like MAD!!! =<

for the last 2 weeks, 2 of my friends left Singapore for studies... me super sad lar~~ 1 is Yun left for Aust, the other is Jason to a far away land called NEW YORK!!! .. haiz...

Yun have not settle down after so long... but on the other hand Jason happily enjoying life liao... guess he adapt to any environment fast.... no matter where he is!!! ;-)

so left me here all alone!!!!!!!!! haizzzzzzzz................. "I ALSO WANT TO GO!!" haha~~ miz sch life.. envy u guys...

juz mizz u ppl ...

Obligation factor there or not is about the same le I guess... Not sure have I gave up hope yet or not... Nevertheless, I still have yoouu!! Kekeke!! will miz u lots....

*HUgz*

Yday was the 7th day of CNY, called "Ren-Ri" which also can means is everyone's birthday. Also a day to lao-yu-sheng....

so went to Loh's hse to lao-yu-sheng.

I admit I started not be punctual for anything... haha.. I was late when meeting KS to go buy yu-sheng. cant find any store that sell yu-sheng, so go all the way to Chinatown... Luckily he is drving....

hmm... yday not much people can make it. total about 14 people bah~ I also dun remember...

Pony was there too!! Same old cute gal.. I think we have not meet each other for more than 1 year plus. Senior Huang Ming seems different... Lifen still so funny... the rest ar, some I just don't know who~ keke....

again, we had our group pics as usual before we go... wondering how will the pics turn out....

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I went for my 2nd round of lao-yu-sheng at Eugene's hse... I was late again... tsk tsk tsk... for 15 mins...

shortly after lao-yu-sheng, gamble station started. LOLx. usually, I don't play. but yday broke my trend, played along with Eugene's family members. Started with a small capital with Doris... but Doris was the one playing all the while, I was there watching TV all along... haha... Eugene's auntie was the biggest winner of all, won S$90/- in total from us... well, there goes my small capital... haha... aything lar, juz for fun....

in the end, nearly miss my last bus home... phew~

well, so happy that we are meeting again next week.. hahaha....

Also, my Time managment is going hay-wire le~

Chinese New Year seems almost the same to me every year... go collect hang-baos... LOLx. well, CNY is more like a gathering for adults...

yday went to watch Fearless staring by Jet Li. Not bad a show. so my feedback for it: No wonder is NC16. violent sia... my Grade for it: 5.5 /10.

last nite watch The Punisher vcd, actually not sure what is the story about. coz kind of not in the mood. But I did finish watching & I caught these words:

In certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the law. To pursue... natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No. Not vengeance. Punishment.

I think that is that main point of the whole show. well, I think I have to watch it again to really understands... hahaha...

OMG…. I going to be stuck at home…. Haiz…

Just got back home from the polyclinic. Slip & Fall & Sprain my foot yesterday while crossing the road outside SIM LIM. *Sob sob* Thanks to my shoes, Thanks to the uneven road, Thanks to myself for not concentrating!! coz I am rushing for time…. Yah, serve me right?!?!?! Zzzzzzzz …...

Got a pig leg now… -___-|!” luckily no need to cast my foot... phew~~

Actually I am so grateful to 2 helpful pedestrians yesterday; else I don’t know how to make my way back… Thanks to Auntie Margaret for getting me a box of ZAM-bak to rub. Thanks to Edmund for flagging a taxi for me & sending me home.

Thanks people!!

So the rest of the days I guess I have to stay at home. My foot swelled up to double of the original size.

OMG… there goes all my plans too… Can’t go back to NYP tomorrow… so sad now… Worse is, tomorrow night is Eugene birthday dinner…. Argh~~~

Believe it or not; this is a Black January for me. (this is what my mum told me…) told me not to wear black. ZZZ… I wore black and dark green pants yesterday. Freaking Hell man!!! Juz coincidence lar…. Haha….

pls pls pls... pls heal faster... next week is New Year wor~~

yday was XH's bday... so markan at Swensen @ Chinatown point...

total there are 10 of us, the branch manager told there are 2 choice: Sit outside swensen or sit inside but have to split tables... YH says what if later rain very heavily how??!! then, if split tables, what the point?!!? true lo~~ haha... so bo bian lo... well, the manager try his best to find a table for us in about 10mins... while we are aready looking into the menu le... wahaha....

there are 3 CNY set meals to choose from. What I ordered was somthing Ocean Treasures blah blah blah... not bad... is just the serving was abit too much... the cold apple side dish is very nice wor~~ it also come with a Scratch & Win card.. I got a sundae for 3.90 (UP: 4.90). well, never order tiz in the end.. too full....

well, Ken came in late, when we are finishing our main course... juz in time to eat the Cake!! tiz time is Chocolate & cookies ice cream cake... Tiz time we never had a hard time cutting the cake as compared to Jiay's bday... coz they cut for us mah...haha

off we go for shopping!! Ken wana to buy Bee-Hock-Guan's bak gua. along the way, Ken asked want to eat anything else? not bak-gua wor~ is Bak-chor-mee~ arbish!!! heh~

we started to squeeze into the streets of the crowd... singing along with the CNY songs is so fun along with the crowd. 1st we saw some cute hairbands, end up I bought 1, Doris 3, Meiyi 1 n Norish 1.

YH was the most weak de~ after walking awhile, he BTH le wor~ jia let sia...

the mission for me, Doris, YH & Meyi yday was to buy some muah-chee. found the store tat I bought them last year. I think I lost my Hp at this store last year while selecting my items. This uncle had an unqiue way of promoting his items. Both Doris & I just can't stop laughing at it.

We never buy at this store, went to another store. I think it had more selections. buying muah-chee is fun; you can test as much as you want. don't know is it nice or not? just open it and taste it.

Saw the pre-selected guo-dong packing so asked Boss how much. $18/- per box! started bargaining with Boss for the guo-dong~ finally, got 3 boxes of the guo-dong for $50/- plus 300grams free of anything. & we asked for empty box so we can select our own guo-dong without taking the pre-selected ones. though the Boss never reduce the price much, the fun was YH there bargaining for it. haha~

finally we went to pay. the Boss should return us $2 change. but he just take some guo-tong as a replacement. then we complain that the wierd number of guo-dong cant divide between the 3 of us. so he gave us 2 more. hehe... aiaya, we are just trying our luck around... waw~ when we reach Mac, we are sweating liao~~

back to tian qiao hua yuan to rest & sang-yue... nevertheless, we took our group photos there as before.

an tradition for DBI 0208 bah~

I am so fed up with guys that scold their wife/gf in the public...!! imagine the crowd, it was morning peak hour, where everyone is rushing for work.

it was at the LRT stn tat Fri. He scolded the lady so loud as if nobody is around. the lady just "bo bian", quietly stand there looking at the floor. Worse is, he scold le, then look around and realised that alot of people was watching. He shouted louder!! as if to show he is "in control" of her!!

so this sence made me so fed up. argh~ well, it was a peak period so it will be abit pack in the LRT cabin. so when the LRT came, I purposely move in front of that stupid guy and purposely step on his foot when boarding the cabin... well, I was the last person that can board, coz no space le... actually if move abit 1 more person should be able to board de... but is just that I refused to budge an inch for him to board....

wo jiu shi kan bu guo qu!!!

come on, if wana quarrel, get home and argue till you want... is a public place, stop making a nuisance here & embarrassing yourself and her!!!!

juz gt lost!!!

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I HATE at the sight of him!!!!

I saw him, that bitch and their son shopping happily.......

until now, I just can't bring myself to forget the truth behind everything that had happened. the person who should die should be HIM not her... he is the one who caused all her unhappiness all the while...

can imagine how hopeless and heartbreak the person is when she knew she is walking the path of no return...

he is here now shopping happily for the new year, while the rest of us missing her, have to keep reminding ourselves that she is no longer around; that tiz festive season we can't have dinner as before.

do anyone know, how sad I was till now. it will makes me worse when either my Dad or Mum mentioned her in front of me. She is the person whom watch me grow and she is the person whom introduced me to the working world.

I should have slapped him at that very day.. I regreted it. Why he still around on thiz Earth, just send him to hell!!!!

I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!
I HATE HIM!!

so this is the 1st post of 2006...

previously, I had a post to conclude my 2005, with some thoughts & feelings. But somehow, it cant be posted. got hanged trice when it posted. I gave up. well, my 2005 ended sweet with peace, 2006 started with warm at least. that's all.

for 2006, not much of a plan. felt really nothing new for the year. but there are some things that I am really looking forward to. But there are some stuff that I hope it don't come so soon. for those who know what I am refering to, will know I am like going up & down in me.

initial thoughts of some targets I want to hit for this year, but "think first only lar". kekeke... main thing perhaps is be more independent. (put it it a "crude" way: be more GROW UP lar! haha) in the aspects of thinkings, financially & emotionally.

someone suggested to me: jian fei lar... -__-" haha... aiya, where on Earth you ever seen a thin Aries before?!?! remain can le lar.... I hope can... kekeke....

so what else to suggest me?? =P

guess, we will see along the way........

anyway, going off soon, working tomorrow...

finding Zhou Gong le.... where are u?!?!

haha... 2005 is coming to the end soon... few more days to go.

this few days of holis is meant to catch up with some friends. I always love to go markan (well, food is always the major "subject" for most of us) with friends. Is so nice to see them again.. Like so long never meet. haha.. so many things to gossip about...

though there are still some that can't meet due to all our packed schedules... (we try harder to find time k?? keke...) now then I realised there are still some overdue lunch "dates".. Oh NO... means that have to bring over to next year.... OMG, doesn't people says is not good to bring things over to the next year? Does this apply to "English" New Year?? haha..... well, there surely have time de... just don't know when...

sometimes is just so hard to arrange time when most of us have started working.... how I wish that there are more than 24hrs in a day.... where same hours is allocated to working only.... hahaha.......

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when people quarrel, is best not to get involved. haiz... esp in relationships. No siding of either side is allowed. Is not that the love is not there, is just quarrel for the sake of quarrelling. when such thing happen, ke-lian de is the external party. haiz.... felt so funny, is like a messenger to pass message between them.... STUCK in the middle.... haiz... hope that "yu guo tian qin" soon...

hohoho.... Is Christmas time wor~~ Tml... =X

too bad Singapore don't have winter, else we can have a white christmas.... tiz year Christmas is rather unique coz it has a longer Holis than usual... haha... past years, although day after Christams I may be back to school for lessons or CCA else is school holis so can rot for a few more days, I enjoyed it. haiz, now, after Christmas, have to work.. so sian!! Never mind about that, tiz year will enjoy my X'Mas to the fullest!!

k liao, go back to sleep first... damn early now...

Best Wishes tiz Funky X'Mas! Lots of Luv & Hugs to All!!

haha... just change my blogskin... the background is one of the novel I read.. I like this book alot. So I decide to to transform the book cover to blogskin... thus' here I present to you the new blogskin. =)

"Unleash Your Darkest Devil" I named it...

tsk tsk ... read too much horror stories liao, got abit too high!! wahaha....

well, seems like I rot for the whole of today le... seems not enough leh... haiz... anyway, 2 more leave coming soon... Let fugus grow bah.... hahaha....

time for TV... Bye~~

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Thanks for the card wor~ knew it was from you~~ for you always write my name wrongly... haha... no space in my name de.. keke... Nevertheless, I appeciate ur thoughtfulness... Thanks alot!!

perhaps will take in what you have said one day...

Enjoy thiz funky Christmas!!!

hmm.. been 2 weeks never come visit my bloggy le...

been so busy... even my habitual of reading other people's blog & e-NEWS everyday morning before starting work also no time le...

so many projects are being thrown on me. on the day when I knew my co-worker is leaving, my feelings is so mixed. I believed I was the lucky one who managed to stay. I am happy for tiz. But in the office, she the person I click most n trust. The responsibility is more on me le, I have more stress then ever. Coz' I knew the rest is looking at how I going to perform. I can't make a slightest mistake. Not once. So I have to be alot careful. I CAN HANDLE IT DE!!!! & I WILL!!

last 2 weeks got some family issues happened that I can't handle. when the issue oocured, I was like "hey, I nv handle tiz before. Isn't this an adult issue?? " OMG... things now are rather settle abit le... hope things will run smooth...

I also realised one thing. when people offer help, it depends on oneself to take it or leave it. I took it but realised is not the "help" I looking for. I don't know how to tell the person coz' he also never realised it. haiz...

tiz year coming to end soon, tiz month is always the month I looking forward most... Coz is CHRISTMAS round the corner! well, tiz year, not much of programs, coz alot is out of the country!!! SIAN... even my family de... =( will have a sort of early Christmas tiz week bah...

nevertheless, glad that a new year is coming...

well, I have a plan for next year too, but still considering want to execute it or not. even gor advise not to... haha.. so still thinking... haha... w'll see bah....

Gtg... got time den come back here, Bloggy. keke...

I remember there was this good friend of mine told me before: 整理事务就像收拾心情。

this statement always worked for me. Actually, everynow and then when I am cleaning up my messy room I will think of this statement and her. more funny thing was, everytime when I am zipping my Back-Pack, her words also came into my mind. She used to tell me "Haiyo, zip ur bag. & pull the zip puller to the side so that the bag won't open itself later and things drop out." She would always tell me this while zipping up my bag for me.

So this is how other people's words stays in me. to me, Little Actions & Words Counts.

Good or bad, most of the time, it stays. Is this good or bad for me, I also don't know.

Thus' today her words does came to me again when I am cleaning my room. Actually, I hope this statement can have effect on me today. So started to pack N clear. Even come online to clear my email account!! hahaha... OMG, I realised I have so many emails that is so outdated.... club minutes, projects lar, songs, blah blah blah... so much trash.. thus OFF THEY GO!!!!!!!

Time to go off liao.. should sleep early, Hope I can. Coz' for the next 3 days I am involve in the Ad Asia 2005 Exihibition @ Suntec. Don't know what is my job there also.

Nitey all..... *muackz*

my poor bloggy... seems like I only come here when I am not feeling so good.... so sad...

An analogy:

A road paved for you. Transport provided. You board the bus. Coz' you finally feel of where you wish to go. But still not really sure of this destination. This bus will lead you to your destination fast. Though, the road will be rocky, but there are other things that help you to forget about the rocky-way. There are also other passengers to keep you accompany & happy. But at the back of your mind, you had for-gone a task in order to board this bus. And you know that there are other things you have to forgone on this path. Right now, thinking was: Is this the correct bus? Correct choice to give up the task? Too late to make a U-turn? Is this worth while?

In chinese: "gou-bu-liao-zi-ji-zhe-yi-guan"

I just cant convinced myself. =(

I was super happy yesterday, thought that I have finally wake up. And someone notice that. But now realised that I am wrong.

still, Damn confused...............

Today realised someone had utterly disappointed with me. I think this is the very first time I made people completely gave up on me. Though this person never speaks up, I can feel it. I failed to perform to the expected standard. The funny thing was, I only try minimum effort to save the situation.

Don't ask me why. I can't give you any reasons. I just can't even sure myself. Whether is I am tired or I been giving myself too much excuses or I just care too much. I don't have a clear view & mind to think thoroughly of the situation.

Is like: a stack of problems awaiting / lining up for you to solve. I just stand and look at it right in the face. Sometimes I choose not to see it. Yah, I am an Escapist.

Working hard may not get what you wanted; even you have achieved your goal, look back and see what you have lose along the way. If you realised you lose more, isn't it abit disappointing? I knew the feeling of banging the wall many times, how hurt & disappointing it was.

Is there really anything left that worth-while spending 90% of time & effort?

Truthfully, I am: At the brink of giving up.

Plus, a Qns:
If a person teach you a statement:
jian-ren-shuo-ren-hua-jian-gui-shuo-gui-hua

How true this person is front of you???

video clip off... wahaha... nxt time put a new one

song by AVRIL LAVIGNE - Complicated.

initailly want a background music, but midi music won't sound nice. so here is a clip for as a replcement. not sure the bits transfering will disturb much mah... seems okie on my com...

somethings are just so complicated......

Video Code Proudly Provided by FreeVideoCodes

yah, I just came home... tired and lazy to do anything now but I am here. Actually, my mind seems so occupied.

I can't stand myself being so helpless when someone is so troubled. Felt so heartbreak as a friend. I know, alot of times I just don't how to cheer people up. When he is so sad, I am so affected. I would just sit there quietly and listen. so lost of words. yah, I am just a boring person. Just don't know what to say next. sometimes not sure, am I "yue-bang-yue-mang".

---

knew that my 2 little juniors are having fun in a far-away place called France. now then I know the time difference is around - 7 hours and now is about into winter. Although is just a short conversation (coz long dist calls are EX!), managed to know how they are doing. How I wished I did have such a chance to attend such an exchange program... well, they earned it! with long hours of studying plus lots of hardwork.....

though, yesterday was a very very tiring day & night, I did manage to survive. Work was like war-sence. After work was like a lost sheep in a new land.

y, am I so mind-occupied? COZ' I am so LOST. I hate that!! I am so fed-up with myself. Such a failure. don't like people being so pushy. Not sure "pushy" is the correct word to used, but what I felt was that. AGGRESSIVE. I don't know how should I walk this new path. there is no turning back for me. yes, I hate and scared to fail.

my thinking perhaps is like: when I put in effort, I must get what I want. NO dissapointment/failure is allowed in me. so right now, I am scared to move on coz I don't know what sorts of test are ahead of me in this path and can I overcome all the challenges ahead.

I NEED A BREAK!!! really, I want a break from this world. Live in a place of my own. felt so suffocated.... imagine, I like the sky darken when is about to rain. the wind is so strong. I love to see the fast moving clouds, turning orange-ish sky and feel the rain droplets on my face. But such as yesterday, I have no time to enjoy all this. Time is so packed. Rush here and there. Even dinner no mood to eat.

OMG...... what lies ahead.....

hmm.... duno why at this time I came to blog, suppose to come online to do sch survey only...

today seems normal as usual... DAY-In DAY-Out.... (heard that is dangerous to live life day-in-day-out; but I had started to live life this way) haizzzzzz.............

these few days been "brain-cells-consuming" days... is like a new change to me but I am still thinking what I want, can I do it and how should I go about doing it...

is like: Someone has already create the path for me, I did walked the 1st step. but wondering should I carry on walking? what will I meet along the way? Is this the correct path to take mah?

yah, I admitted I AM LAZY. yah, is true. I love to "de-guo-qie-guo". But I know, deep inside my heart I know, I can't afford to lose this time round. I JUST CAN'T!

but.... I BEGAN TO DOUBT MYSELF. Felt the stress building up in me esp when people is looking at what I am doing....

where is the reckless & daring gal gone to? I also duno. haiZ...... wad to do??????????? Can I still believe in myself? =(

heck liao, time to zzzzzzzzZZZzzz... liao....

btw, thanks to Xing Zai too... for listening to my complains lar... next time I zip-ed a little. haha...

*opz* actually, I find that I been so talkative these days too (or I been like tiz all the time)... coz I cant stop talking when I saw someone I know. Like yesterday, KS was the ke-lian person to hear me talking all the way... haha....

I just back from something that made me think so much.... brain cells dying soon.... keke....

Don't really know neither understands why he came to look for me. It seems like a door is open up to me... not really sure what is there at the other side of the door... It is described as Beautiful as it is. And it looks nice to me.

What made me think was, how true can it be? But I guess with he there to assure, things will go well. I hope. I think I can trust him.

well, someone's words came into my mind too: "I got nothing to lose. Just give it a try. No harm trying." Yea, so I did. Took my first step.

Am I a advanturous person? I also don't know. There are alot of times I cheong blindly, there are times I scared to cheong. When I cheong all the way, is only I know where I am going.

Let's see how it goes.

I am tired now...... Time to ZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZ.............

Boat Uncle: "几个人?"

"十五个!"

Boat Uncle: "只可以十三个人。"

"orh..."

so 1st 13 board the 1st boat, last 2 followed the 2nd boat behind. OFF WE GO!!!!!!!!!!

yesterday, I was back to Ubin again. Gald that the weather was good. This time round, the path taken was different from the previous trip. Think we walked deeper into the island. But felt that the route was shorter. Lesser abandon houses, more stray dogs.

Perhaps is due to is a SAT, there were more people. Some schools activities running. Some sort of treasure hunt I supposed, as there was a pri sch kid asking someone where was a well or something and a prawn pond.

As expected, the group was seperated. Left 4 persons. Wengu, Ah Ray, Judy & Me. then later Aaron managed to catch up with us.

Destination was Mamam Beach. Well, I felt is not beach lo... juz a place with some whiter sand & much more cleaner/clearer water. Able to see the Malaysia. The area was block by a long row of sticks... For tsunami? LOL. or to prevent pirates? illegal immigrates?? I think is to prevent soil erosion, I think I read it somewhere... not sure lar... For the whole trip, I only LOVE this area. Coz' I am near the sea.... Sky is so high, sea is so broad...

lttle too short the trip. It ends after the late lunch at the island. and we were heading back to mainland.

I bought some nice sweet jackfruits. Taste Nice!! I also brought back some mosquito bites too!! *Sob*

well, the trip back duno why left 13 persons only though only Judy left earlier... haha... hope we never left anyone behind on the island, perhaps is juz wrong calculations in the morning... kekeke....

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previously, someone asked me will I live there. I remembered my ans was, perhaps after my retirement. Though on this little island, there is no air-con, no internet, may have TV, not near Orchard road, but is a island of peace. Not hectic. Sound of insects, waves crashing. Life seems peaceful, slow and quiet.

I think I would want to take a break once in a while there, but not really stay there bah.... nt much entertainment. Come to night, worse, No much choice of leisure. I might bored to crazy... hahaha....

well, sometimes Life need to slow down abit. Sit back and look at passing boats can be fun. Hectic life may means happening, but can be stress too....

Anyway, I am abit chao-tar now... (-_-'!|)

been about 6 months since my last exam paper.... everyone now is basically busy with their new phase of life, guys serving NS, including Ken the last guy also went in NS le.... alot of people had left Spore for studies, some flying off soon, some studying in Spore, Even gor, in SP studying now..... I just miss school so much.... so miss.... though is not the books I missed, is the school life I missed......

• miss the days waiting for the double-decker bus 86...
• miss the days waiting for my friends near the escalator at the atrium before lessons...
• miss the days where self-declared lunch time from 11.30 to 3.30pm...
• miss the days going FYP labs to find Doris for sweets, help Doris to draw cartoons characters, play Puzzle Fighter/ Giga Wings, plan chalet and etc...
• miss those events organized like Chalets (i think semi-annually ), BBQ, Chinaown (annually), Marina South dinner etc...
• miss the days where me n my claz involved in GSS (not Great Singapore Sales wor…. Is Great Singapore Surf) and Open House...
• miss the days where the the claz occupied the whole computer lab...
• miss the days where we book the library big discussion room to do revision, gossip, sleep, play "Zhong Ji Mi Ma"...
• miss the day where we reach school early to queue for Energy’s concert tickets...
• miss the 4 canteens food: N Canteen’s Banana ball, S Canteen’s Wedges, Fastfood canteen 25ctns ice-cream treats (MAC lar…) & FJ’s Jap food...
• miss the Blk L printers & labs...
• miss the days where we copy each other’s tutorials before lessons...
• miss lecturers...
• miss tutors...
• miss my course co-ordinator...
• miss the days where we shop at the shopping arcade...
• miss the printing shop auntie...
• miss the days where I do my revision, take nap, day-dream in the club room...
• miss the days where walking around the school to put up club notices...
• miss the days where we rush the projects till the lab closes at night...
• miss the days where we celebrate each other's birthday at MAC...
• miss the days sitting at the “liang ting” to do last min revision

the list go on and on..... there are so many things that I experienced in the past few years.... though is not so happening as others, but is COLORFUL for me; I love this period of my life....

Don't Be An Angel That Pleases All;

Be A Devil That Piss Them Off.

How tough will that be?

Cheer up, k? things will smoothen out soon de. Don't get too frustrated about the issue. thiz issue can be sloved de... it juz take some time. No matter what, never lose hope, k? TC.

I am so bored today!!! why? the office computer is super slow to do high resolution banner.... I have to wait and wait..... ZZZZZZzzzZzz... haiya.... STUPID COM!!!

how leh? now is only the begining of the month, but I have bought so many things.... haizzzzz...... have to curb myself soon.... anyway I bought a new jacket today too. PINK wor~~ whaha... nearly red that type of shade lar... whaha... well, I like is the hood of the jacket... perhaps it going to look abit childish on me le~~ (-__-'!|)

well, I perferred being a child then now! haiz..............

well, think most of my weekends are my fattening days.... let see:

SAT:

I was late when meeting XIA. hmm... so ger, you now know how the feeling of waiting le hor? *bleh* wahaha.... ma-la-huo-guo is what she planned, but she duno where.... ahaha.... find n find... found 1 shop that look decent to serve nice food, but the Q is super long lo~~~ sian...

finally we found 1 at a corner by the road. we ordered the least spicy one but guess what???? the 1st try, we went... Oh ooo...

well , for the rest of the night, Xia, never touch the spicy one... except for me. not bad lar, XIA more active compare to that time to Marina South. At least she cooked. haha...

rain nearly came heavily.... but it was blown away.... Shopping was next. well, WHY CANT SHOPPING CENTRES OPEN TILL LATE, at least 11pm????!!! I never shop till I shiok. I only shoped for abt 45mins nia.... but I bought a belt & a bag!!!! kekeke

SUN:

though I woke up in the morning feeling so sick (not sure due to the un-pro-per-ly cooked food or the spicyness), but party still goes on for me.

going to my uncle's place is forever wine tasting sessions.... but this time round got additional performance. KARA-OK!! but this cute family of mine, holding on to the 3 mic for the whole night was GUYS!! what was the most POWER was, tiz granduncle of mine. He knew how to sing in English. Chinese. Malay. Canto. Hokkien. & Indo!!!!!! super sia....... well, the rest of the "pairs" began waltz to the tune & music while he sings~~~ well, the kids like us, seems to enjoy thiz rare performance.

oh yah, the birthday cake taste nice too!!

---

I really dun wish to imagine the worse. It really scares me. It is just like a drama, that is so unreal. I thought that it can only appears in dramas. I am trying to forget the hursh truth that I juz learnt. Now then I know, what you seen in shows can be so real......

Felt so funny today.

What or how will life be if one viewed life as Joke?

will feel: Happy? or Hatred? or Nothing Special?

hmm~~~

View Life As A Joke.

na~ here is the lyrics I mentioned that day....

Love Me by Collin Raye

I read a note my grandma wrote
Back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat
And he showed it once to me

He said boy you might not understand
But a long long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none
But I loved your grandma so

We had this crazy plan to meet
And run away together
Get married in the first town we came to
And live forever

But nailed to the tree where we were
Supposed to meet instead
I found this letter and this is what it said

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love me

I read those words just hours before
My grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church
When me and grandpa stopped to pray
I know I'd never seen him cry
All my 15 years
But as he said these words to her
His eyes filled up with tears

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love me

Between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you

Love me

I have alot alot alot of things to write now... but I not sure will I put down all here....

today, I realised why I like that Xia so much!! wahaha.... she is the only one that we can talk about any latest entertainment news... like today, is Ming Dao... wahaha...... years back, where I have all the entertainment news at my fingertips, when me & Xia starts those entertainment topics, Yun would definitely go ZZZZZZZZZZZ..... LOST. whaha.......

for the past week, for this person, busy like duno what... you know who you are.... juz take care lar... well, I feel that at least you are doing what you like and what you want... well, I still searching.... at least you are busy with something!!!!!!!!!! haha.......

one day, not sure will I get this 'old people eat idiot symptom'... dont understand this term? direct translate bah... this phrase I got from this funky guy. haha... why I not sure will I get this symptom? coz I really realised my memory is really failling me... not sure is this dangerous mah.... well, heck bah... maybe one day I will lose everything, and live in my own world. sound good or bad? hmm..... one day I might ask: Who are you??? haha...

okie, the thing I realised I missed so much was, my CAMERA. I feel that I have really neglected my camera. though I did bring my camera out for shoot a few weeks back, I was like doing for the sake of doing it. oh nooooooooo, rusty! my skils lar... so wedding photos??!! NAH~~~~

last but not least, I have told someone that I wont step into somthing that I won't mentioned anymore. Is not only that. Think I won't easily trust anyone from there on. Yes, what was in the past is past. But I believed 'once bitten; twice shy'. Is very hard for me now to trust any new person/friend; for the world I see now. Saw the ugliness. so what was the catalyst? Backstabbing is one. which I HATE most. For me, am I wearing a mask from now on? well, At least, I know what I have written here is the truth.

well, I did start and end my day today with a smile. part of it is due to that message, and I appreciated that early in the morning. Is also due to a promise made. though today there was alot of happenings that was not so gd, but I managed to smile through. Though, I not sure is it a strong front I put, or is the real smile from my heart, I don't care. I did smile. felt like I never smile for a long long time....

rain, rain & rain... I love raining days.... juz like today!!!

Trust me, the Sunshine Ying will be back one day... Lets wait.

the DND yday was fun. thought that it would be abit boring coz most of my colleagues were not able to attend & is a corporate event. a event that involved the companies of the same industry. But it turn out to be nice & fun. The MC is GOOD! haiz... 1 sad thing was, I never win any prize for the lucky draw. I only have a mug for the table lucky draw instead. 2nd Prize was ZEN leh.... zzZzzZzzzz.........

eh... still feeling guilty of making Vin rush down to meet me but end up walk here n there for nothing... n spent so much money... keke... Thanks!! btw, what that $90 'prestige' mushroom called??