Today neither PMSing or anything.
Just wondering...
I have started to live life with schedules. Week by week, day by day... I got kind of tired today, as I over stretched last week. Perhaps I getting old bah... Can't chiong too much at night. Get kind of sleepy around 3am...
Don't know what happen to me these days. Wanted to pack as much things as possible into my 7 days a week schedule. Even I don't have anything up on the list, there is always some other things running in my mind or tapping on this 'free time. Can be shopping for household stuff, clearing room, house chore etc etc.... Is this typical Singapore mid life?? hmmm....
Its not that I don't have leisure time. I do enjoy going out to meet my cliques... sometimes is like pack 2 days for such events... Then in the end, I felt my weekend gone... Its Monday again.
This Rat Race cycle just keep going on and on... Its wearing me out...
Perhaps I am trying to draw my that Bucket list out. To see how much things is undone. To be done before I kick the bucket....
Time is running short....
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Today this mother duck brings her little ducks out for dinner... Although I have a dinner that don't worth the money, but I did enjoy the time. I love walking home with my kids. We talk we laugh. I was stoning while they are playing at the playground slide.
I was stoning. Thoughts just run in and out of mind. Random. Seeing the kids playing around, I felt I am so blissful to have my kids with me. Although we fight, I scold, they cried, at times; we are still brothers and sisters.
Suddenly, I felt fear. Because I realized this is not forever. We will die someday. Where will I go, I yet know and won't know. I am scared. I also scared what will happen to my kids if I were to go anytime. I worried for Ah Yen. Will he be able to survive in this world of terror? Worried for Ah Zhong. Will he mix with wrong company one day? Worried for Ah Mei. Will she be con by someone one day. I don't know. I seriously want to keep them under my wings. To protect them from unseen dangers. Dangers that is lurking around and strike you when you unnoticed.
Is that dream warn me something? Red flood at my house...
I am so scared.
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