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Freedom
MY FREEDOM

Aries Ying

- stoNINg
- daydrEAMing all days
- Luv phoTOGRaphy
- cHilling oUT soMEwhEre

I've Been Waiting For You

You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine


ATTITUDE

* FREEDOM *
* PEACE *
* HAPPY *

wIshiE (aKA shOppiNG) LiST

- Sumsung D820
- Givenchy ~Very Irresistible
- neW hEeLs
- nEw pAinT for my r00M
- Canon DSLR
- nEW mOblie
- cRUMpleR mEssenGer
- eXternal Harddisk
- Volkswagen New Beetle Convertible
(after my License of coz' =D)
- Canvas Shopping Bag / Sling Bag


The Novels
{some read ups done,
some soon}

By Nicholas Sparks

[O] The Notebook
[O] Message In a Bottle
[O] A Walk to Remember
[O] The Rescue
[O] A Bend in the Road
[O] At First Sight
[O] True Believer
[O] Three Weeks With My Brother
[O] The Wedding
[X] The Guardian
[X] Nights in Rodanthe
[O] Dear John
[O] The Choice

By Jodi Picoult

[O] My Sister's Keeper
[O] The Pact
[X] Plain Truth
[O] Keeping Faith
[O] Nineteen Minutes

By J.K.Rowling

[O] Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
[O] Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
[O] Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
[O] Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
[O] Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
[X] Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
[X] Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

By Dan Brown

[O] Angels & Demons
[O] Digital Fortress
[O] Deception Point
[O] Da Vinci Code


RUNAWAY

# RUNAWAY

PAST TENSE


January 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
January 2009
February 2009
April 2009
May 2009
July 2009
September 2009
October 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
November 2010
April 2011
August 2011
October 2011
April 2012
May 2012
July 2012
August 2012


THANKS

tearzdr0p



aRTs gALleRy

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Monday, September 14, 2009

hey bloggy... I am back again... I know I always turn to you when something on my mind. I know you don't mind... haha... This is a delayed post of last week, been wanting to come over, but always another excuse of not surfacing online...

Today perhaps now, I am not really happy nor unhappy... Just neautal for once.

That day I went over to Di's house crying. I cried while waiting for bus. Even the person up above is trying to be funny to me. There is no taxi to flag at all. So cry all the way to YCK in the bus.

You know why I cried? Because I realized that I will be seeing Di soon which will remind me what is between of us. The huge rock in between. I missed his hugs, laughers, jokes, console and accompany always. But I can't shake it off the thought that there is something missing between us.

A common path of belief.

I seek answer from him one of the weekday. I got his answer from him. He told me he would want to believe more in his religion. He felt that people are more happy when they have some faith. He hoping me to have some belief too. Hope not force.

Upon hearing this, I felt my heart sank. Tears rolled down quietly. Because I realized that is either him or me. To compromise. To give up the identity of oneself. Normally people expect the lady partner to change and believe what the guy believe in. Di blurted out that he will compromise, upon seeing me in tears. I can't help to feel more hurt as I feel that he has to give up his belief to be with me. Is like either me or his religion. I feel bad, sad and lost. I don't want him to be like that.

The choice left is if I want to be with Di, I have to believe in what he has been brought up with or seperate with him. I don't want the latter one. But is there any other choice? Its a opportunity cost sort of situation. I can't have both sides of the world and strike a balance in between.

Simple things like fasting, I never tried it. The most I had is skip lunch. Lack of water is a No-No for me. The knowledge I had on why need to fast, is that so oneself can understand the poor suffering without food / water. However, my question is - why fast when end of the day more food is consume after breaking fast? I don't understand.

There is a girl whom eat vegetables only because his boyfriend is a vegetarian. That's sweet isn't it? They are people whom I know personally. I still eat pork when not with Di. I don't touch common heavy pork meals like "Bak Gu Teh" or "Guay Chap" anymore as I can't take the smell already. However, I still eat sliced meat when at home. Some times, I feel that the frequency that Mum cook the pig necktie or the ngor hiap for me to eat is cause in case I can't eat any more in the future. I feel sad. For Mum. I always cried when I think of this.

I eat beef for instance, but actually my brought up forbid me to do so. I still eat beef from time to time cause I don't see what is the real reason for not so. Same for pork I guess. To me, everything is just a belief.

You may ask me why I so insist of not believing in a religion. Why am I so pain in the ass. Is like something is not physically there to believe in. My reason to the existance of religion is that, it was created long long time ago as human mental is weak, they need some thing supernatural to exist up there to calm them down or confidence without fear. Its like a central of gravity in humans. To make them strong & stable, a faith that keep people sane. Or something to turn to when encounter a obstacle. See, my understanding is this: It was created not really exist.

I always ask this question, what if after the end of your life journey, you found out that it is all a fraud? I always think that death is a forever sleep. No floating around or what-so-ever. I am scared still, caused if that is the case, when we come to the forever sleep, we will lose everything that matters to us alot. Like family. We lose all our contact. The intense fear envelops me whenever I think of this. That, ultimately we will go one day. No route to escape. Its a truth not a myth. It will happen to everyone of us one day.

I respect Di's religion still. Try my possible best not to overturn his belief in him. But how correct am I? His is accurate or mine? I don't think I will have a perfect answer from anyone as it depends whom I speak to. Like, if I speak to a priest, he will say Lord is up there. If you speak to a scienctist, will tell you stars is up there. See, you get fish when you speak to a fish.

So how thick is the shell that is around me? Will I break though one day and found enlightenment?

A half glass water is always half empty to me.


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