I cannot go back sleep. Only slept 4 hours and wake up by a bad bad dream.

Dad pass on. but do see this soul. Talked to him too. I cried very hard. very hard. I ran away from the funeral procession. Gor came running after me. In the end, he lead me back. I was still crying. I have to gathering 10 essential items for Dad, I don't remember the things much.
- Wallet
- Keys
- Lighter
- Theresa Teng CD
- Bak Gua
- Cheng Ting
- Family Photo

I woke up when I want to gather last 2 items.

I started to cry. Even is just a dream. It feels so real. I even have the "after effect crying" feeling when I woke up. I started to cry again. I don't know why. It really scare me.

When my late grandpa pass on, dejavu hit me. Exactly the same. I knew what is happening next at the procession - what people will say and do etc. That's was then I realized I did dream about late grandpa pass on. I told mum what happen, but she brush it off.

Seems I am a nut case.

Dreams like these... scared me. Scared that it will happen.

Now, sitting here realized something. No matter what he did, he is still my dad. I should accept what he did. I still love him after all. I can't bear to see he leave. I will still collapse if he is gone.

Hatred is just a negative feeling at times. But people says, in the end 尘归尘,土归土.

The whole phrase & meaning is actually:

尘归尘，土归土，
让往生者安宁，让在世者重获解脱。
ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection unto eternal life……
你是什么就终究是什么，生命轮回, 从哪里来就会回到哪里去。

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