Hi Bloggy,

I am here again.... Perhaps I can only expressed myself in words....

Went drinking yesterday. Alone. This is the first time... I went back to the place I used to cry when I am sad and lost. I can't believed I went back there. I didn't cry yesterday. But I do now...

You know a silly me... waiting for the hand phone rings. It did rang. Just the TMA mates and others... I don't know why am I am waiting so hard.

Don't want to tell him anymore, the more I tell him, he do will do it in my way in the end. No point at all. He asked me if I want him to be out there, what is the point of asking? Even I said yes, he comes, its my pushing. What is the point?

I am very very stress these days. But I don't know why I felt so alone. I can't tell anyone. I know in very stress mode coz' my body has already told me so. I can't remember simple things, I can't think properly. My period had missed. I am so tired. In the end, I cried in this corner of mine. No one knows.

Want to tell him things. Since that swimming night, that night even passed by that dam.

Don't want to go his place anymore... Its always when there is something to do, I be there to do something. Why can't we spend a day without mediocre things???? I used to go there without any reason. Even, I don't get to see the other way. Do we need a reason just to meet? So many times, he came my house with a reason. Can be a mediocre thing like fixing a computer. The other is when I have already mad with him.

Don't want to tell him any more things, its only sorry I heard, he gets fed-up, and I get him to do the things that I want. No point anymore. By telling him, he move along the way that I want. Why?

There was a mediocre thing that I thought I can discuss it with him. The window period ending soon. Now I realized that its so mediocre that I can decide on my own. Decide for myself. Gal, you can decide for yourself. You are a big gal now. Be independent.

Slept good yesterday after drinking. Had a sweet dream. I bet I was smiling in my dreams. Felt bad its just a dream, to wake up to reality.

MLTR songs playing since that night. That night, not memories that came back. Its a sad feeling that came back. The feeling is so strong. I know these songs perhaps was heard when I was sad, very sad. But I don't remember what.

I am being sentimental, in Chinese I called it 感性. Perhaps I can't expect all to be like that. Perhaps call it - Put in too much.