Hey yoz Bloggy...

Sometimes how I wish you are a real person.
Today... no just now... we quarreled. Actually what started off was ridiculous small and insignificant. Picking up a fight with someone is never back me off. Resisting me to one, push me further into it.

He hold back my arm, stop me from going. Pulling my bag in a cinema. I asked him why is he stopping me, he said he wanted me to cool down first. Perhaps he doesn't know by stopping me, it heated me up more. In the taxi we argued about all these. He did raise his voice a little. I know he is similarly pissed off. Fine, 'Point taken' was all I said in the end. No idea what was it referring to. I simply more pissed than ever.

I don't know does he really know what makes me so angry. I knew I said something that touch his ouch spot, but that's what I feel exactly at that moment of time. 'Deserted' may sound hush, standby me was someone else's boyfriend. Where is mine?? That's was back then. Happened long ago. The feelings hit me exactly the same just now.


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In the taxi, a lot of things came back to me. I remember once, I was stopped by my Dad to hit a boy for stealing my train engine. Literally being stop. Dad's arm across me to prevent me moving forward. Till this point, I am still remember why. Someone else took my train set engine, and I cant defend myself for a little thief. My own dad stop me. Why?? I have no answer. In the end, the train set not able to play with anymore automatically because my train engine was taken by someone else.
Why me suffers?

Most people don't understand why I am so stubborn and aggressive. During my younger times, when I was being bullied, reporting to adults doesn't help. In the end, the most was being tick off for other party. But left behind was hurt on my own. My first slap to someone was when I am in primary school. That's was when I really blow my top. Although I got tick off later, I was not bullied anymore.
Stubbornness and aggressive has well protect me so long. I have survive so far.

I don't understand why he can't just pacify me or even support me at least....
It hurts.

Yesterday was the covation. In reality, I do understand that two tickets should let family go. I really do understand. But I confirmed he has completely forgotten he said he will meet me after the event. For so many months, I been looking forward to go and see him graduate. Although I can't go in the end, why can he forget what he said?

It hurts.