yah, I just came home... tired and lazy to do anything now but I am here. Actually, my mind seems so occupied.
I can't stand myself being so helpless when someone is so troubled. Felt so heartbreak as a friend. I know, alot of times I just don't how to cheer people up. When he is so sad, I am so affected. I would just sit there quietly and listen. so lost of words. yah, I am just a boring person. Just don't know what to say next. sometimes not sure, am I "yue-bang-yue-mang".
knew that my 2 little juniors are having fun in a far-away place called France. now then I know the time difference is around - 7 hours and now is about into winter. Although is just a short conversation (coz long dist calls are EX!), managed to know how they are doing. How I wished I did have such a chance to attend such an exchange program... well, they earned it! with long hours of studying plus lots of hardwork.....
though, yesterday was a very very tiring day & night, I did manage to survive. Work was like war-sence. After work was like a lost sheep in a new land.
y, am I so mind-occupied? COZ' I am so LOST. I hate that!! I am so fed-up with myself. Such a failure. don't like people being so pushy. Not sure "pushy" is the correct word to used, but what I felt was that. AGGRESSIVE. I don't know how should I walk this new path. there is no turning back for me. yes, I hate and scared to fail.
my thinking perhaps is like: when I put in effort, I must get what I want. NO dissapointment/failure is allowed in me. so right now, I am scared to move on coz I don't know what sorts of test are ahead of me in this path and can I overcome all the challenges ahead.
I NEED A BREAK!!! really, I want a break from this world. Live in a place of my own. felt so suffocated.... imagine, I like the sky darken when is about to rain. the wind is so strong. I love to see the fast moving clouds, turning orange-ish sky and feel the rain droplets on my face. But such as yesterday, I have no time to enjoy all this. Time is so packed. Rush here and there. Even dinner no mood to eat.
OMG...... what lies ahead.....
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