How sad it gets when someone realized that the trust should be there but it is not?

I have disappointed this someone. Even before I mention it, he had such a gut feeling that I will not believe him no matter what he says.

Despite the reasons I said, I believe there is nothing can be done to redeem myself. yes, is my fault.

Yup, I think I have screwed up myself. And stained the friendship.

I am Sorry.

---

I have been letting people around me down; what am I doing?

Had a fun Sat.. Went for shoot at St John. It was a nice place for one-day retreat. Sunbathed in the sun ended having myself "overbaked". very painful now.. *sob sob*

I was home on Fri night for an hour sleep around 5am before meeting the rest for the outing. The friday nite was out for late night movie & pool + mid-nite supper & shopping @ Mustafa. Watched "the Last Dance". erm... I think I still can't make sense what the story is. I think I need to re-watch it again. Senior was very stunned for me & ed never step into Mustafa before... very surprise meh? haha.. I always walked pass there, but never been in once.

But now, I have lots of reasons to go there le... I found some nice Chocolates!!!

The outing time was 8.30am, so I have at least an hour to rest. Nevertheless, I was late. Reach around 8.45am. Simin was the last person to arrive. We went to Jetty to wait for her. We nearly missed it. My mood was lighter after we passed the ticket Uncle. I remember I was running & skipping like a kid, even the boat Uncle says "Slowly gals..." lol..

thiz outing was a slow one as I was kind of sleepy (i think the rest also !! zzz....). I think, that is why I was able to dozed off in the sun. the wind was cool enough that never let me realize how blazing was the sun...

when I was wide awake. my mind was filled. that place is a very nice place for deep thoughts... Perhaps I should go back there again soon... I like sleeping at the edge of the stone slope where can hear the rushing waters beneath....

after the outing, back home for bath and out for Eugene bday... wow, it seems quite awhile I seen all of them... missed those fun we always have... keke....

---

For the whole of that day, my mind was not with the people I with...

When I was at the island, I thought of someone. Wondering what was he doing at the moment. We never out for such outings before. Tea sessions is always the ones. I also thought of that night... looking back, I don't know I cried for whom. For me or ... I felt I did a great mis-deed to him. Since then, I am in guilt.

When I was with the class, my minded drift off too. I not sure why, but seems I can't enjoy myself. I just can't be myself...

Like what I said, it just overwrites alot of things. Is not neglecting other things, but is just doing what my heart feels... perhaps I feel too much for it; so right now, no matter what, it is just first in place.

Sometimes I just want someone to stand at my side in what I do...

You are ripe for a change, dear Aries. Perhaps it's time to dig up and dust off that resume.

oh my god... when things got so accurate... >.<"

I don't know, was there wondering, do guys think that when ladies have mood swings are due to either PMS or Pregnancy. Though, sometimes is true, but there are times neither is.

Today should be a happy day. But perhaps, due to the earlier part of the day that bought my mood down & magnify my emotions. I have been trying to cover up all my emotions but guess I gave in when I was all alone when getting home.

wanted to go Ponggol End seaside but seems my feet leaded me elsewhere... Home is still where I belong. Like someone said: Your family is always your pillar of strenght.

When things got piled up; when all sorts of infomation/alternatives of different natrue coming in from all directions awaiting for your choices; realizing that running away is not an option, stress gotten me. Yup, I guess is I hate to face it alone. Fear had engulfed me.

maybe he said was true, "Don't remember the past nor think of the future; just live the day." But my flaw is just directly of the opposite. There are alot of questions that I yet gotten any answers; nor daring to go find them out.

I just hope that the my first resoulution written at the club forum able to come ture.

Two words: Simply Lost

I guess the guys won't be accessing to here. But I still want to give my deep heartfelt gratitude to them. Hope my previous night never stunned them too much. Thanks.

Hey there... in the previous entry, I mentioned about a book that I read... is by Nicholas Sparks.

his first book I read was A Walk to Remember, it was introduced by Heng. It was a simple & innocent love story that will bring memories to some.

the book I been reading is At First Sight. This book was borrowed from a senior. Is a wonderful story. I seldom read novels on romantic theme. Mostly, horror plots that revolving vampires, ghouls, ghosts etc.. these just catches my attention. =X

But...

This book is not those teenage-romance tale. It revloves getting out of singlehood into having another someone walking together in life & setting up a family. Is the mindset changes... The story is very touching. In a span of 30mins, I was laughing at the story till I teared at the unexpected turn.

now, I am 3/4 way thu' the story for the 2nd round. Just realized that, I have missed quite a number of small details to make the fuller picture.

well, this book is a lovely book to spend time on....

---

These days a piece of song been running in my head. Don't know why it just sound so familar. I could not make out where I heard from. now, although I can't understand the lyrics, I can hum the music... omg.. haha...

but it is a very nice piece....

... for the first time, I find nothing to do. Is not nothing for me to do, just that nothing fits my mood & thoughts...

suddenly, yesterday my world seems to stop moving...

Walked to the reference library, don't feel like going in... no ATM card so cant go SLS... Walked to pool centre, stucked outside the door....

My internet was down. Backup harddisk also crashed. Mp3 player no batt. Hp low batt.

needed a card reader badly, but blur me left the ATM at the other wallet... internet down been like for like months and I just lazy to call up the call centre to check the promotion for the new modemn. Initially I thought is okie, as I able to online in the day. At least there are stuff for me to do offline. But now, my portable harddisk died on me. kaoz... damn irrittating... I yet transfer the files back to computer after formating!! files lost... forever... zzzzzzzz... Especially the photos... past 3 years memories gone...

what else coming... sianz...

so in the end, fall back to the book I was reading for the 2nd time... Will talk about the book at the next entry...

this is a piece that I like most... By Ed of coz...

for I never take a picture of a backview that is of "feeling"... I don't know why...

for someone whom stay tuned here.... sorry to keep you waiting... =D the pictures are credited to Edwin. The pictures of the previous post is credited to Affandi.

PS: no PS enhancement done. I am lazy =X

Maps readings... where should we go? here? there? where?


the KISSes... whooohoo...






the Pig Big Family


I look like someone that I had lost touch with =(


Poor Ed...


Chirstmas coming to Town...


Handsome Boy ready to Party for the 1st time ever...


I'm in the mood to party....


my Princess..


"Sister-ly" Love


Foot Massage juz before we headed home...


Foot Massage: that was my first time having foot massage. Actually not that painful as I thought. well, after effect was: SHIOK !!


I am ready to Jump Train! Can anyone give me a little push?!?!


I yet develop my rolls of films yet, wondering how will it came out.. I love the streets there... those "sub-urban" feel... I also like the old rail way station...

in plan for a 2nd trip... kekeke~